After Thursday's post I really decided that it was time.
I was extremely nervous, but I dragged myself into my doctor's office Friday afternoon and I did it. There were some tears involved, but overall she was very reassuring and made the whole thing easy on me.
This morning was my first dose of my antidepressant. I know it will take time, but I'm very hopeful that this is the start of a new me. I'm also thinking of doing some therapy if I can.
Some of you might be wondering if I meant the "old me." No. No I don't. I have always struggled with depressive type feelings. I just used to be much better at hiding them. In fact, I can remember having some of these feelings as early as twelve years old. Maybe that seems hard to believe, but it's very true.
I'm going to try and post at the end of each week so that maybe I can see myself progressing. I'll still try to post in between, of course.
In somewhat related news, we went out for breakfast this morning. I ordered scrambled eggs and when they came out they were still runny and snotty. I absolutely hate that. Because of my irrational brain, I almost cried in public because my eggs were undercooked. At the same time I was angry at the flies that were buzzing around. Moments like that, which happen a lot to me, are the reason I need to be on this medication. I need my emotions to even out. I want to enjoy life. I want to stop snapping at Keith for no reason.
I know this post is really choppy, but I'm so tired that I feel kind of out of it. Maybe because I took my pill this morning. Might try taking it tomorrow night instead to see if that helps.
Anyways, I'll see you guys again soon.
I hope this is the beginning of the road to balance for you :) It must be tough - I couldn't imagine battling unbalanced emotions. I'll be stalking your blog to check in on you.
ReplyDeleteAnd now you have to wait for the antidepressants to kick in. Doesn't it feel like life is one giant waiting game? Hopefully this is the start of a domino effect where everything starts falling into place. Will be awaiting new information. Hoping you start seeing stability soon.
ReplyDeleteThanks ladies. These emotions are nuts. I know people always say that just because you're on antidepressants doesn't mean you're crazy, but I feel SO CRAZY. And ya know, it does always feel kinda like I'm waiting on SOMEthing. But at least I know that this will get better, even if we have to adjust the dose or even switch meds altogether. Thanks y'all, for the comments. Glad to know that people are here for me if I need them!
ReplyDeletePs: I've been stalking you for any hint of baby's arrival. She sure is taking her time ;)
Good for you for getting help. I was on antidepressants thru most of my 20's--it helped me tremendously. The story about crying over your runny eggs is exactly how it was for me...and I wasn't even dealing with infertility issues back then, just Life! Hope you get some relief soon.
ReplyDeleteI'm sending you big, giant hugs, love and support.
ReplyDeleteI got a lot of grief from some so-called friends when I started anti-depressants. BUT depression isn't something you decide. If you were ill and the doctor prescribed antibiotics that would help if not cure what was going on, you'd take the meds. Anti-depressants are wonderful, awesome pills that will help even things out.
I really hope things look up soon. :)