Ahh, Relaxation, Here I Come!

If there's one piece of advice I'd give to every woman it's this: Take time at least once every month, maybe every two months, and pamper yourself somehow. Whether you take a relaxing bath with some candles and great tunes, get a massage (some chiropractor's offices offer them for around $20 for 1 hour, and some will even take your health insurance if it's included in your policy!), hanging out with girlfriends, a nice dinner, or even buying yourself a cute new top. Granted, some of that stuff is bound to be cheaper than others. But whichever way you decide to do it, you'll thank me for giving you such great advice. As we speak, I'm devising a plan to relax in the tub with some soothing music, maybe some bath salt, some candles, and probably a home made sugar scrub. You can make a great sugar scrub at home using only two ingredients: regular cane sugar, and some olive oil. It exfoliates and nourishes. Here's my recipe:

• Sugar
• Olive oil
• Aloe vera gel
• Some kind of essential oil, for scent

Very simple, and very cheap. But it's great, trust me. Relaxing is a big issue for me right now. People tell couples who are trying to conceive to relax all the time. It's so annoying. But it's true that it could help, as high levels of stress can delay or prevent ovulation. Stress is probably not what's messing me up right now, but it sure isn't helping. So in addition to reading, blogging, crocheting, and singing my heart out, I'm going to start doing some cheap things to make myself feel relaxed, beautiful, feminine, and sexy. It can only help me at this point!

Yesterday's post had plenty of comments, which is nice. One in particular made me feel....I don't know. Not mad, but slightly irritated. I'm sure if you read them you'll know exactly which. Mainly because I called them out about it. When I decided to start this blog, I had a discussion with myself over whether or not I'd use real names. I decided that since I was going to make it public to my friends and family that I would. This person was saying that I shouldn't use people's real names because it isn't anybody's business. This is understandable. And it would apply, if only the situation was more private. But sadly, it is not. Everyone knows everyone's business in our family and in the town of Anahuac. Those are mainly the people that read this blog anyways. People that already know. And besides, if I say someone's name in the blog and they specifically ask me to take it out, I will. But until then, I will say all the names I want. Free country that this is, and all. And besides, if you're going to criticize, at least have the courage to put your name in the post! Jeez!

Infertility. Let's talk a bit about it. Please feel free to answer these questions, either on my facebook or in the comments. Leave your name somewhere. Are you aware that there is a huge number of couples who suffer from infertility? Who, besides me, do you know that has been affected by infertility? What do you know about infertility besides what I post on my blog? Can you imagine yourself being infertile? Is there anything you wish you could learn more about, such as treatments, conditions, doctors, medications, etc.? What do you know about male factor infertility? The reason I ask is because there are so many people that are not educated about such issues. Mainly fertile women, but there are plenty of women who are infertile and don't know anything about these things. If you have any questions, I might be able to help you. If not, I could probably point you to a website or article that can. Just try not be afraid to talk to your doctor if you think something is wrong. I know I always feel about eight years old when I go to my gyno's office. The main thing is to be prepared to ask questions and to make things happen. If you're going for a certain issue, have a close friend or relative help you write a list of questions or issues that you might want to talk about with your doctor. Or, if they're available the day of the appointment, see if they'll go with you to talk to the doctor after your exam. You'd be surprised at how much you can benefit from having some moral support and a second pair of ears in the room.

But I guess I'm off for now. Gotta go spoil myself!

In The Key That Our Souls Were Singing

If you can guess what song the title is from without googling, then you win.......nothing, I guess. Except maybe knowing that I find you awesome for knowing the song.

My hair follicle is sooo much better today! I think it will be healed by tomorrow or Wednesday at the latest. I'm so so so glad because it hurt like a bitch to do anything. Including washing, brushing, and drying my hair. Also touching my head/hair in any way or making certain facial expressions hurt too. So you can imagine how relieved I am now that it's getting better. And just to let you all know, 100% tea tree oil is stinky. I don't mind the smell of my tea tree soap since it's so diluted, but the pure oil is like ewie.

Kerri and my aunt are having problems. Not as much as before, but it's still there. Basically Aunt D and her family are living in the trailer that my mom bought from Keith's aunt. So is Kerri and her family. We all know that two families cannot get along together in the same house. That shit just ain't gonna happen. So things have been tense, to say the least. It's not really my business, but it kind of is since they keep involving me in it. But I just want to give my opinion on some things that could maybe make it a little easier for them to live together until they can move:

• Turn shit off when you're not using it. This means lights, TVs, computers, fans, everything. If you're not using it, you're just wasting electricity and running up the bills.
• Take turns buying and making dinner. Try to make one meal that everyone can agree on. One person should not be choosing every night. And making two meals is stupid.
• Do not waste food. Eat what's on your plate. Save leftovers and eat them for lunch the next day.
• Take turns cleaning the kitchen after dinner. The exception would be if you didn't eat there. If you didn't make the mess, you shouldn't have to clean it up.
• Set down some rules and everyone obey them. Including children. Especially children. If the rules are broken, then punish them somehow. Do not give in.
• Make a chore list and assign chores to everyone. Including children. Make sure they are done. If not, there should be punishment.
• If you have a problem with someone, talk to them calmly and as politely as you can about it. Like adults. Do not post dumb shit on facebook or gossip to anyone. Settle it between yourselves.
• And last, but not least, find a way to compromise whenever possible. Being stubborn won't get you anywhere.

So yeah. Those are simple guidelines, I think. It won't fix everything, but it would sure help if they would stick with it. Most of them are just freakin common sense.

And guess what? Caffer's mom lives here in Jasper! I love when people I already know move close to me. And she texted me today. It was such a nice surprise. She's a pretty cool lady.

We delivered to the Burger Barn today. They're the ones that I gave two week's notice to last week. They're trying to play the sympathy card on us again. That's how they got us last time. And they still weren't very appreciative. But anyways, we've been trying to get them to meet us at another store for like the past 8 months, but they always refused. It's like 15 miles out of our way every Monday. That translates to anywhere between 30 and 45 minutes in the bread truck. So inconvenient. But now that I told them that we have to drop them because of costs, they are so ready to meet us at another store to get bread. Of course. They just don't want to call anyone else to deliver to them because we sell buns and bread to them cheap.

It's so ridiculous that it's just now getting dark outside. I'm so mother effing tired and miserable. Woke up at like 3:30 AM and felt nauseous on and off all damn day. It was the absolute worst. I really thought I was going to puke several times today. I almost did, too. I know if I would've gone into the bathroom or behind a building or something, it totally would've happened. But I resisted. I felt better after I ate a bit, but it only lasted about 4 hours. Maybe I really do need to get a glucose tolerance test. This is getting kinda bad. Maybe I should be on medicine for it. I dunno. I'll ask my doc about it when I go back on the 13th. And speaking of doctors, my insurance agent hasn't said whether or not our application was accepted. I'm kinda worried. We need that insurance. Blah. But enough worrying. I think I'm going to go watch Footloose on CMT and crochet some more on Jen's blanket.

Meh

I don't really have anything to write about today. Tomorrow is the last day of my vacation. The sad thing is that I'll probably spend it delivering bread, and I don't wanna do that. I'd rather stay home and relax in peace and quiet. Emphasis on quiet.

I have an infected hair follicle on my scalp and it hurts like a mofo. Today I was finally able to squeeze it and pus came out. I cleaned it and put some antibiotic ointment on it, so hopefully it will recover easily from here. If not, I guess I'll have to go see the doctor.

Partied last night for the first time in a long time. Too much. I had fun, but I felt awful afterwards. Didn't throw up though, which is good. But I did feel sick on and off today. Nothing big. Saw some old friends, too. Had such a nice time hanging out.

Oh, and Keith's mom told us that maybe if we would just relax and quit thinking about it we would get pregnant. I wisely said nothing, but sent Keith a sarcastic eye rolling glance. Later on he threw a tampon at me that I had left in the bathroom. (I forgot my Instead cups. Worst thing ever.) Violet said "Oh, it's Kristy's time of the month too." Kristy is Keith's sister. And I looked at her and said "It's my time of the month everyday." Violet: "You mean you've had it everyday for the past month?!?" Me: "Try everyday for the past year." Then she felt bad for me. I don't know why she doesn't know this. We've talked about it several times in the past couple of months. Just goes to show that people ignore fertility issues if it's "not their problem."

Wondering

Do you ever get the feeling that people "close" to you don't like you? I do. Often. Call me crazy, but I just get the feeling that Keith's family just really isn't all that into me. I mean, it's too late cuz we're already married, but still. We don't get invited anywhere unless his mom is involved. She invites us to everything, which I'm very grateful for. Nobody ever calls to chat or texts or contacts on Facebook. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

His brother and family live far away, but they still don't ever try to make contact. His sister and her family only live like fifteen minutes from here. We used to get invited over there. Not anymore. I'm sure it's because they all think I'm a heinous bitch. Granted, I'm not always the nicest person, but I've had a lot of problems in the last couple of years. Almost everything that was near and dear to me got suddenly taken away. I tried to heal my wounds with sex and alcohol, I'm ashamed to say. But it's the truth. Of course it didn't work. I was so depressed and had the worst self esteem. And then I got with Keith. By this point my body started going a bit funky and out of whack, but Keith was making things better.

So I had lots of wounds that weren't healed at first, and still aren't fully healed, but it's getting there. I wasn't the best version of myself when they were taking the time to get to know me. I was starting to come out of a deep depression, I was barely starting to like myself again, but my hormones were steadily going south. So I had plenty of issues. (Still do. Working on that.) I still didn't feel right most of the time. I tried to fake it, but I still had my bad moments.

And it seems this is all they care to think of me. Maybe I'm being delusional, but maybe not. Maybe if they didn't keep flaking out on events that we were all supposed to go to, I might feel differently. For example, there's a wedding today and everyone was supposed to go. Kind of. Keith's mom told us about it, so we decided to go ahead and go. Well now today, at the last minute, their suddenly not going. Maybe it's all in my head. But I just feel like they don't give a shit about me. I feel like they don't want to give me a second shot. And I have no idea how to reach out to someone who probably doesn't give a crap anyways. I don't know how to make them see that I'm changing for the better and that the cold shoulder is really starting to hurt my feelings. Sad thing is that they probably don't even read this blog, so they'll never know anyways.

Million Dollar Phrase

Most used phrases of this week:

• "NO!"
• "Leave that alone!"
• "Don't touch that!"
• "Stay out of that!"
• "NO!"
• "NO!"
• "NO!"

And as we speak, Jon just threw a pair of Uncle Keith's dirty socks in the trash. I tried to stop him, kind of. It mostly ended with me saying "You know what? Fuck it. Throw them away." It's payback for Keith throwing away my new $13 wood wick candle because, and I quote, he's "tired of my stankin ass candles." Don't care. And I'll burn it everyday until it's gone just to spite him. And yes, I did dig it out of the trash. Wouldn't you for $13? Duh.

I'm starting to wonder what in the world is wrong with me. Why, WHY do I get gas from every single thing I eat? Seriously. Everything. Probably the only thing that doesn't cause gas is water. It's the worst! And I get it everywhere. Home, work, Walmart. And I can't hold it in, because if I do, I get crippling stomach pains. And they're really stinky. I absolutely hate it. It's mostly a recent development. Probably started in the past two or three months, that I can remember. It's stupid and inconvenient. And I swear on my life that if anyone suggests that I'm pregnant, I will punch them. Hard.

Today I had about two solid hours of silence. It was wonderful. I got my apartment cleaned up and crocheted in perfect, beautiful, golden silence. And then Kerri and Jon woke up. But I'm still enjoying their visit. It's just a very, very loud visit. And I love to see Jon stomping around in Uncle Keith's work boots, trying to give Keith kisses and stealing his drinks.

I kind of want to continue with what I was talking about at the end of my post yesterday. It's such a relief that I'm starting to feel better about things. I've had two long years of anger and sadness over things that are totally out of my control. Not only infertility, but life in general has been pretty hard. I'm not sure what exactly  is helping me find some inner peace and let some things go, but I'm really grateful. It's probably a combination of things, with Keith being a major factor. It takes lots of women much longer to find acceptance in a tough situation like mine, and I think that's one thing that's helping me. Knowing that I'm not alone. That there are others in this world, and even within my circle of friends, that are going through this or have already been through this and now have great families. Infertility does not discriminate, and it's so nice to see how many ladies have come forward to share their stories and frustrations with me. It feels good to know that in sharing my experiences, I'm helping other women to share theirs, even if it's just with me. It's a heavy burden to bear, and often women feel embarrassed or depressed because they can't do something that's supposed to come very naturally to us. I've come to realize that this is not something I can do on my own. I need support. I need a place to vent my frustration. Everyone does. And once you find that safe place where you can let it all go, you'll find that you're in a better frame of mind. Acceptance will come so much easier. Speak out. If not for yourself, then for someone else who may be too scared or feel like they don't have a voice. You never can tell how your actions or words will help somebody else, even if you're only trying to help yourself.

Mother Faker

Jon is such a faker. He loves to fake cry when you piss him off. He'll fake laugh along with you if you think something is funny. And if he thinks you aren't paying enough attention to him, he'll fake cough to get your attention. He drove me crazy today with the fake cry. It's funny cuz he makes the goofiest face, but it's really irritating after a while.

We spent about three hours in Walmart today getting my oil changed. I usually go to the Valvoline place down the street because they always do all of your fluids and are really thorough. But today I had Kerri and her munchkin, so I chose Walmart for the AC and shopping opportunities. I bought curtain rods! I have some really cheap tension rods, but they suck. So I went ahead and bought some decent ones so that Keith can open the curtains without them falling on his head. And, I forgot to put in an Instead cup before we left, so I was leaking at Walmart. In white shorts. Thank GAWD I had a panty liner in my purse. But I guess it wouldn't have been that big of a deal. I could've just gone to the pharmacy section and bought some.

I found out today that a friend is pregnant with twins. We'll call her....Bea Hightower. Mainly because that's her actual name. I find that I'm really happy for her and her husband, Charles. I've known them both for a few years and they're really great, super sweet people. And if I remember correctly she had a miscarriage a year or two back. I can remember feeling sad for her. But the thing is, since it's twins and given her history, I have the urge to ask her about a thousand personal questions. Like after the sadness, when did they decide to try to have another baby? How long did it take them? Did they go through any fertility treatments? Did she use Clomid or was it a natural conception? Was it on purpose or accident? Are they hoping for boys or girls or both? These are the kinds of things that run through my mind when I find out about friends' pregnancies.

It's strange, but I'm really starting to accept others becoming pregnant a whole lot better. I'm not sure what it is, but lately I feel a lot less bitter towards them. I guess because I've been doing a ton of reading and thinking and crocheting, and I've come to realize that it's nobody's fault. It's nobody's fault that I can't have babies. It's nobody's fault that they can. I can't continue to place blame and frustration on everyone else. Women are not getting pregnant to spite me, and knowing that I'm infertile will not change their decisions to have kids. Not that I want them to. Fact is, I enjoy stalking them. I like to see how their pregnancies progress. Sure, I'm jealous. But that doesn't mean that I have to be pissed off at the world. I'd never wish infertility on any other woman on this Earth (except maybe a certain aunt of mine who has two kids and probably shouldn't pass on her stupidity to any others), but the truth is that it's making me learn some hard lessons about life, myself, and my relationship with my husband that I probably wouldn't have learned otherwise. I still have my bitter days, but I'm working on that. I'm not going to give up on my dream of becoming a mother, but I am going to try and be nicer towards those who've already realized that dream.

Makin Waves

Today's entry will probably be pretty short. Mainly because I've spent the past day and a half running behind the human wrecking ball, also known as my nephew, Jon. My apartment has been filled with the sounds of giggles and destruction. Still want children. Most people would call that stubborn. I prefer to think of it as determined. So needless to say, I haven't really had much time to think about blog topics. Proof that once I finally, finally become a mother, my only available topics will be my child(ren). Boooooring. I'm not sure that I'm all that into the "mommy blogger" scene. Not yet anyways. I find it mostly dull. It's mainly just reading about women whining about the habits of a gift that I'd love to have. Or they're telling hilarious/touching/cute stories that make me jealous. So either way, I'm usually disgusted. Unless I've been following them from the get-go, or possibly started at the beginning of their archives and read how it took them forever and a day plus ART to become parents. Then I feel happy for them.

We took the little heathen to the lake today. He had a ball! For real. Even though it was super windy and the lake was extremely rough. White capping, even. But Jon didn't seem to mind in the least. He loves waves. Loves. Them. He was down on his hands and knees and trying to chomp them like the Iron Giant in scene 4 of the DVD. I know it's scene four, because my sister says so. She has to watch that movie about a gazillion and a half times a day. Partly because it's Jon's favorite, and partly because it's the only cartoon movie they own. Anyways, he had a blast running around and throwing sand and splashing and throwing sand. He threw a lot of sand today. He even ate some sand with his chips. He was literally dipping the chips in the sand and eating them. It was so nice to be out there today with the wind blowing. It didn't feel too hot at all. And we were the only ones out there, so we didn't have to be self conscious of anything. Me because I didn't shave my legs, and Kerri because she's huge right now. But I keep telling her that she's seven months pregnant and it's allowed right now. But the best part is that I didn't even get sunburned today! YESSS!

Anyways, there really isn't anything else interesting to talk about. Unless you want to know every single mundane detail of my life. But if you wanted that, you could just become my friend on Facebook.

Of Course

So, I didn't get any hormones today. Knew it. I'm going back on the 13th, and she wants to do some blood work. Again. LH, FSH, estradiol, complete blood count, prothrombin time, and partial thromboplastin time. Basically testing some main hormones, how many and what kind of blood cells, and how it clots. And then she wants to do a round of antibiotics, just to make sure there is no infection. Then hormones to stop my bleeding, and then birth control to keep me regular for a few cycles, and then she'll wean me off of them. I don't want birth control. I wonder if there is anything else we can do besides BC. And since I just applied for insurance, hopefully I'll get it and it will help. My agent says it's still pending.

And guess what else? I was on my way to my appointment and to get my sister, and I'm going 80 in the fast lane, right? And this guy is right on my tail. Like, we're about to become friends, he's that close to me. There were cars, so it's not like I could move over. The first chance he go, he zoomed around me, cut me off and gave me the finger. Seriously. The finger. I was going 80! Who does that? I can understand if I was going like 50 or some crap. That's just rude. And besides, if you're in such a hurry that you need to go faster than 80, maybe you should've left earlier. But you know what I did? I rode his ass until he got fed up and switched to the middle lane. And as I was passing him, I gave him the finger right back. He deserved it. What a jerk.

Kerri and Jon are here. I've been having fun with them so far. I bought Jon some toys and then we took them out to eat at Martin's for Mexican food. Jon had fun being bad at the table with me. They're teaching him table manners, and he's learning pretty well. I was playing around with him and he made a mean face and pointed for me to get down from the table. They always tell him at home that if he's done eating and playing then he needs to get down from the table. He's learning. Now he's destroying my house with my Guitar Hero guitar. We've picked up a lot of the stuff we don't want him messing with. And he's already pooped twice since he's been here. Gross. And even through all of the destruction and shit, I still want a kid. But at least he's entertaining.

What's Going On?

Like seriously, people? What the eff? I've been having way too many good days in a row. Good and productive. Do you know what this means? It means I'll probably fall down the stairs and break my leg pretty soon, just to balance things out a bit.

DEFINITELY picked an insurance. Just gotta fill out the application. That's probably what I'll do after I'm done with my nightly love affair with you, dear readers. Cuz I just love the way you read, baby. Ok, enough.

Got lots of shit done in the past couple days. And I'm proud to say that our bank account is looking pretty good right about now. Especially savings. I love to put money in my savings account. I know that's weird. But I really do. It fills my heart with gladness to put even $25 in savings. I freaking love it. And I think I've come up with a good way to spend everything that's in there. It's name is college. Although don't hold me to that statement. Something catastrophic may happen, as it does everytime I plan to go back to school. But I actually really wanna go. And, AND, I'm gonna buy one of those teensy little laptops to do school work on. Cuz mine is crap and Keith's is....Keith's. And I just love the cuteness of the tiny laptops. So there. But anyways, I'm thinking I can start up next semester as long as I can save up the money. And I'm fairly certain I can. I'll do everything I can at Angelina and then transfer somewhere. Lamar, SFA, and SHSU are close enough that I could go there maybe twice a week. Honestly, Lamar is closer. But I miss SHSU. I freakin loved it there. And I'd maybe like to go back. But this is beside the point. I think that I want to teach....something. I don't know what. But I really, really want to coach tennis and cross country. Those are my sports, man. So needless to say, I'm feeling kind of excited at the prospect of hitting the books again.

I'm so excited about tomorrow! Kerri and Jon are coming to stay with us until Saturday! And not only that, but I have my doctor's appointment tomorrow and I'm anxious to see what we can do for now. Ready to start some hormones to see if they'll stop my period. I so hope they do. It hasn't been so bad lately, but that's because I've been using the Instead cups. Those things are changing my LIFE! I love them so much. Trying them out was one of the best decisions I've made all freaking year. No joke. I swear people, you should give them a try. Anyways, I hope the hormones work. That way we can maybe wait a cycle or two and try Clomid, if everything seems ok. Sure, it's a slightly higher incidence of twins, but I think I would probably really love to have twins. Then I wouldn't be in such a hurry to have any more. But let's not get into all that wishful thinking crap. It often leads to heartache. And Kerri and Jon are gonna brighten my week off so much, that even if I don't get hormones just yet, it may not even seem like that big of a deal.

Seriously, guys. Is somebody praying for me to have awesome days or sending good vibes my way or something? Because it's working super much. I'm in such a great mood that I'm getting on my own nerves. I really don't know what to think. Keith is probably thanking Jesus. Or maybe he's slipping me some Zoloft when I'm not looking. Who knows? Either way, it's great. At this point, I don't even think I could be mad if he was slipping me mind altering drugs. But I suppose I'll go clean out my turtle's tank and load up the dishwasher. And maybe clean the bathtub. Cuz that's all that's left on my list, SUCKAS!

No Real News

No real news for today. Not a whole lot happened.

We went to the lake today, after trying for an hour to convince Keith that it was a good idea. And it was. We went and had a great time. The water was nice and cool once we got out far enough. We brought the football and threw that around for a while. I got sunburned, of course. So now I'm just waiting to take my shower so that Keith can rub aloe on my back. And boobs. That's gonna feel awesome. And who knows where it might lead. (Wink, wink)

Speaking of sexy time, we tried it with the Instead cup a couple days ago. It wasn't bad at all. Keith said he could feel it and that it was kind of weird for him, but I thought it felt pretty normal. But on the bright side there were no leaks at all. That's a big plus for me, although I don't think Keith really cared too much for it. All about preference and what's best for both partners, I guess. But if anyone is in the mood during good ol' Aunt Flo's visit, know that you can use the Instead cup and it will be juuuuust fine. You can get them at Walgreens, usually. Wouldn't try Walmart. They didn't have any when I went, but yours might.

Got a lot of stuff done today, cleaning wise. Truck's lookin decent on the inside, apartment is all spiffed up. Just gotta do a few basic things tomorrow sometime. I really don't want to go on the bread route with Keith, but I don't really see how I can get out of going either. I'd really rather stay home and get my clothes folded and clean the bathtub. Yeah. The bread route sucks that much. But it IS stuff I need to do. And go to the bank, file paperwork, and clean out the fridge. These are all things that I'd like to do before Tuesday. But I don't see that happening. Stupid bread. I'm beginning to hate bread. I mean, I love it, but I can't eat it, and I always have to deliver it to people that I don't like. More reasons to dislike it. Oh, and I have to call about our insurance tomorrow and probably start setting that up. One more thing I need to get done that probably won't happen. Fuck.

I'm gonna have to go through my wedding photos and find one that I can get made into an 8x10. There's one that I love, but it's horizontal. The frame I have is vertical. Boo. I framed one of our extra invitations in a really cute frame that I got as a gift. It looks so nice. All I have to do is find a place to hang it. I'm sure I will.

Has anyone seen the new Bounty commercial where the kid draws a picture of his grandma on the counter? And the mom is all like "Oh, I'll play along with you, you adorable little scamp." Fuck that. I would smack that kid upside his mess-making little head. That kind of behavior is just unacceptable. Seriously. Who would be ok with that? Nobody.

Anyways, I don't think I'll have too much to talk about tomorrow either. Tuesday will be a big day, so I imagine I'll have lots of material then. Especially since that's when I go to the doctor. God, I hope she doesn't try to make me wait two weeks and then go back. They only do that to make sure you're not pregnant. Stupid. I'm not. I won't be until you fix me. You're a doctor, you should know this shit. Sometimes I really think doctors are idiots. Since the first time I went to the gynecologist as a freshman in college, I've been telling them that something is wrong with me. But did any of them listen? No. It was just birth control for me. Fuckers. A patient knows their own body, and doctors tend to forget that we know when something is off. We may not know exactly what it is, but it's their job to find out, if only they would listen.

But I guess I'll go get my towels out of the dryer and maybe crochet until Keith gets out of the bathtub. If he takes too long, the aloe rub will probably not lead to sexy time. Es no bueno. Hasta manana!

Going Out!

So, tonight we're hitting the town and going to karaoke. I'm super pumped up. Would anyone like to know my go-to song for becoming excited about something? "Rock And Roll Ain't Noise Pollution" by AC/DC. It's the shit. I defy you to listen to it and not become jazzed up. Impossible. Anyways, I look pretty freakin cute tonight. Putting those ridiculous skinny jeans to work with my ass kickin cowgirl boots and a pearl snap shirt. I'm sure I'll rock their world at karaoke tonight.

On a slightly darker note, it has smelled like lighter fluid in my apartment for the last few hours. I suspect my neighbors are doing something they shouldn't be doing. Like drugs. We had the windows open and even though it's been super hot out all day, having them open was actually quite nice. I usually don't start opening them until mid to late September. I was very pleasantly surprised. And the crickets put on quite a sound fest this evening. They've been very vocal lately. I like it, but I kinda don't like it.

My amazing husband brought home some beautiful red/orange/yellow roses for me today! All for no reason! He said he picked them out yesterday and that they were so pretty that he had to buy them for me. I love it. I get so spoiled by Keith.

Tonight is the first night of vacation. Oh, and did I mention? It's a PAID vacation!!! FUCK YEAH! I'm getting paid to enjoy a week off. I love it so so so much. I'm really excited for this week because it's gonna be busy, but fun. Very ready for my doctor's appointment. Really hoping that she'll be cooperative and we can get some shit done. But anyways, I'm about done with this for now. Gotta go get my island on.

Gotta Hurry!

Gotta make this one quick, guys. Dinner's in the oven. What's on the menu? Chicken breast stuffed with bacon, sausage, garlic, onions, and topped with cheese. Smells freakin delicious.

Had a really nice day at work today. I went out of my way to be nice to everyone, including the annoying people. We talked about insurance and I basically let her prattle on and on about everything in general. We get along better that way. Anyways, insurance. I think I've picked one. For real this time. I'm not faking you out. And I'm really excited. I guess I'll call my agent on Monday and let him know. Or maybe just email him today, whichever.

I'm making some progress on baby Andrew's blanket. (Andrew is not my baby. He's my nephew.) It looks really cute and the colors Jen picked look so nice together. You don't think that they'd look good at first, but now that the blanket is actually being made, they look great! I'm really happy about the way it's turning out. I cannot wait to start on my little sister's! Not sure if I'm allowed to post her baby girl's name yet, but it doesn't matter because I'm probably going to call her Teeny anyways. But the one I'm going to do for my little sis is going to be round! YAY round! I'm not sure why, but every time I see a crocheted blanket, it's a square. Round seems like it would be way easier to make. Don't have to worry about corners that way. But maybe when I get them finished I'll try to figure out how to post some pics. Who knows, maybe someone will see them and request one for themselves! I'd totally do it, for a small fee which would include shipping price. Maybe I should crochet a shitload of blankets and learn how to make matching hats and booties. Then I could start a store on Etsy or something. Yeah. That would be badass.

Tomorrow is my last day of work and then I'll be on vacation until the 30th! I'll go back to work the 31st. My boss is super nice and is closing up shop for the week so that everyone can have some time off. But maybe I'm giving him too much credit. He's only closing up because he and his wife want to ride his motorcycle around Colorado. Whatever. Vacation is vacation, right? Right. Anyways, I'm excited because my Kerri (little sis) and Jon (her 18 month old boy) are gonna come up on the 24th and stay until we take them home on the 28th. A lot is actually happening during vacation. I have a doc appointment on the 24th, same time and place as Kerri, but for different reasons. She's having a pregnant thing, I'm going to hopefully get hormones. That bitch better not make me wait two weeks. I KNOW I'm not pregnant. I don't ovulate. Just give me the damn fucking hormones, assholes! Ok, anyways. And then probably the next day we'll all head to the lake since Keith has Wednesdays off. Who knows what we'll do Thursday and Friday. Saturday we take Kerri and baby Jon home to Anahuac, and then jet on over to Dayton for Keith's cousin Andrea's wedding. Yay family! And then Sunday we'll probably BBQ at his mom's house. So freakin busy. But it sounds like it's gonna be lots of fun.

All in all, I had a pretty great day today. Those are few and far between, so I'm really grateful that I didn't let my fucked up hormones/crazy bi-polar depression get the best of me. Don't get me wrong, there were a couple times when I could've gone nuts, but I didn't. It was hard. Anyways, I better sign off for now. It's time that I actually pay some attention to cooking dinner. Sayonara!

Exciting News!

Sad as it seems, I know there are some people who read that title and thought "Oh yay! She's pregnant!" What idiots. No. No pregnancy. Read on for the day's good news.

I've almost decided on an insurance policy! It's between 2 Aetna policies, both cost the same each month, both have the same deductible. With one of them you can pay a copay for office visits and prescriptions. Once you reach the deductible, you pay 20%. With the other one, I'm assuming that you pay for everything, and then once you reach the deductible, everything is completely covered. Either way I'll be paying for a bunch of stuff. So I don't know. I think now is the time to force Keith to be involved. I can't do it all by myself. But even though I haven't decided, it's still really good that I've narrowed it down to the ones that are agreeable to me.

Did some Googling today and guess what? There's an RE (reproductive endocrinologist, for those of you who don't know) in Jasper! What are the odds of that? I figured I'd have to drive all the freakin way to Beaumont or Houston when it comes time. And how should I do this? Do I need a referral? Can I just go in and ask a couple of questions to see if I like her before I get involved? Would that cost me anything? I really don't want to get in with a doc that I don't like. That's part of the reason I'm willing to drive to Baytown all the time. I really like the doctor, even if she's slightly overworked and somewhat scatter brained because of it. Once she gets in the "Krissy zone" she's totally into it. Very attentive and looks at all the options. Either way, I feel like she's about to refer me to a specialist, so it may help if I have one in mind. I don't know. I really have no idea how all that works. Which brings me to my next point.

I'm reading a super book called "What To Do When You Can't Get Pregnant." I'm only 1.5 chapters in, but it's basically about everything that will go down at the doctor's office once you decide to go with fertility treatments. So far it's been very informative. I'm really looking forward to reading the whole thing. Usually I buy fertility books and read to about the third chapter. What a waste. I know. But this time I have high hopes and ambitions. I want to read this book, dammit!

I've also begun the process of setting up a budget for us. We're not super irresponsible, we just really enjoy buying useless junk and doing things that cost money. Our logic was that we needed to have a little fun before we had kids and started devoting everything to them. This was a good excuse for the first year and a half or so. We're now nearing the two year mark. I gotta tell ya, I really expected to have a newborn now or in the next few months. You all see that that has not happened, and probably won't for a while. I know. You're thinking "What do you mean a while? It could still happen unexpectedly/naturally/soon." Sweet of you. But I'm trying to be realistic here. If the hormones don't work for me (and I have a sinking feeling that they won't) then I will be referred to a specialist. From there we will do many, many tests. Most of which I will probably have to pay for all or part of. This means that we probably won't be able to do all of the various tests in one cycle like so many doctor's prefer. In fact, we'll really need to get my period to stop before I can even have what they consider a "cycle." And no. The one week that you have your period is not the "cycle." Your cycle lasts all month. Day 1 of your period is day 1 of the cycle. When you start your period the next time, that's a new cycle. "Cycle" refers to how your body goes through different stages each month with different hormones and such. To make a long story short, there's menstruation, then ovulation, then the luteal phase. And then you start over. For more information, GTS, or if you're REALLY interested, I suggest "Taking Charge Of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler. That'll teach ya just about anything you need or want to know about your body's reproductive crap.

But I have strayed from my original point. Point is, we need a budget and we need it now. I've estimated that we pay around $2,300 a month in various bills. This is probably a high end estimate, but that's good. Rather estimate high to be on the safe side. So now it all comes down to me going over bank statements, receipts from bills, and receipts from the bank to figure out how much money we bring in total each month. Then I can figure out how much we can spend on things that don't matter, and how much I'll be able to save each month. I guess I can start going through all the paperwork tomorrow.

And here is where I shall leave you, for I have clothes to fold and tea to make and other housewifey things to do. Adieu, adieu. Parting is such sweet sorrow.

I Hate To Say It, Guys

But today is the first day that I've had really nothing to post about. Like nothing. I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel, here. Please forgive if it's a little short and boring.

I'm in the midst of picking out a health insurance plan that has the coverage I'm looking for and within our budget. GAWD. It's hard. Way too many things to think about. I wish I could say Keith was being very involved in this decision, but he doesn't seem to care too much about it. Just as long as it gets done, I guess. I've had to ask advice from basically everyone I know. Aunts and cousins, my boss, even my grandma. Jeez. I can't believe I went there on that last one. We all know she's retarded. Maybe I'm being too harsh. She did answer my question and she actually used to work at a hospital dealing with insurance, so I guess maybe she knows a bit about it. But she still smells weird.

I couldn't even come up with a funny story about my Instead Softcups. Except for Keith has been calling them "Insteadacups." Whatever. Anyways, I wore one yesterday for 10 hours. No leaks, and it came right out. Only issue I had was that I had to pull it out from the top of the rim instead of the bottom. Mainly because every time I would try to hook my finger underneath, it would just push up into the vaginal wall. Not helpful. So I had to hook it from the top. Slightly messier, but way more effective. Oh, and I had read something about how if you "bear down" or push that the cup will empty itself. This is true. I had to find out whilst going Number Two. It wasn't bad though. It just leaked into the toilet. No biggie. I did go ahead and change it after that though. So far I really like the Instead cups. Eventually we will put them to the ultimate test. Intercourse. Bow chicka wow wow.

How much fiber is too much fiber? This is a question that I would like to have answered. I have a hard time when it comes to Number Two, or shadoobie if you prefer. I don't really go on a regular basis. I tried Activia, but I don't always like to eat yogurt. So now I'm into the Fiber One bars. The kind from the commercial that are drizzled with chocolate. The answer is yes, they are fucking delicious. Herein lies the problem. I eat like 3 or 4 a day. Not sure if this is a good thing or not. But on the bright side, I can poop now. In fact, I did twice today. That's some kind of record for me, not including stomach viruses.

See what I'm saying? I had to resort to talking about poop. Proof that nothing interesting happened at all since yesterday's post. But I guess everyone has days like that. Even me, apparently.

Guess What Time It Is

That's right. It's blog thirty. Actually it's seven o'clock. Whatever.

My workday was pretty irritating. I wanted to punch the customers. It must've been rude people day or something. The main issue of the day was the door. This old lady, who I swear was the freakin Bionic Woman, came in around, I don't know, 11:45ish, maybe. So, eighty year old Bionic Woman swings the door open, and wouldn't you know? It breaks the little mechanism that makes the door close by itself. What the fuck? How does this even happen? And why must it happen on the hottest, but also windiest day ever? It seems that people are too lazy to close the door behind them these days. And why shouldn't they be? Nearly every establishment you enter into either has automatic doors, or the door will magically swing closed after you enter. Newsflash people: there's a handy little thing that makes them do this. Ours was broken. People were unhappy with this. Lazy bastards. Nevermind the fact that I so obviously had to close the door behind nearly every customer. I also had to get up every five minutes and close the door everytime the wind blew it open. And they're complaining because they have to pull it shut behind them? Seriously? Don't you have to do that in your house anyways? So why is it such a huge deal to close the door here? Fuck. And not only that, but when Bionic Woman was leaving, she complained about her fish being tough. You would think that the lady who broke our door might have teeth of steel. Guess not.

I left work and went immediately to the bank. They fucking hate me there. I always come in with huge bundles of cash that I have not counted and at least 4 checks that have not been signed, 3 of which probably need to be signed by Keith anyways. Today I happened to have about $600 cash and 5 checks. 4 of them had forged signatures on them. Keith never signs his checks, but fortunately he writes like shit, so I basically just scribble his name in and it's passable. I swear to god, the ladies at the window look at me, look at each other, and are like "Oh fuck, it's that asshole with all the cash. I did her last time it's your fucking turn, bitch." But the good news is I don't really give a shit. It's their job to count my money. They work at the bank, for crying out loud.

I've been thinking about Instead Softcups since yesterday when I made the decision to try them. I was really hoping that someone in this small town would carry them so that I wouldn't have to order them online. Thank sweet baby Jesus, Walgreens had them. Took me a minute to find them amongst all of the other period products, but there they were. So I bought a box. And also some tampons, just in case this experiment goes awry, like so many other new things I try out. I wish I had a funny story about putting it in, but unfortunately I do not. The only thing I have to say is that when I put it in, I wasn't really sure if it was indeed ALL the way in. Let me fill you in on how the Instead cup works. It looks like a flexible pink bracelet with part of a plastic baggie on it. That's basically what it is. You squeeze the edges together and insert it as far as you can into your vagina, or hooha if you prefer. This ensures that the back end of it goes over your cervix. The front part of the band should rest behind your pubic bone. Now, I don't know how many of you feel yourself up all in there on a regular basis, but I do not. So I had to figure out where all of my necessary parts were first. Thank god I clipped my nails in advance, is all I have to say about that. Anyways, since it covers your cervix it will catch the menstruation. For those of you who don't know, the blood comes out through a little opening in the cervix. This is the same place a baby will come out of someday, maybe. But I guess the long and short of it is that it's in place, but I'm still paranoid that I didn't do it right, which is basically how I feel about most things anyways. So I guess we're good. I'll let you know if anything kooky happens when it comes time to remove it.

I made steaks for dinner. I wish I was hungry enough to eat one, but sadly I'm not. Probably because I ate like a pound of turkey pepperoni while I was preparing dinner. I love pepperoni, but I do not love the fact that it gives me horrible gas. We're talking dog fart proportions here. But most foods do that anyways. Gross. But I guess the gas was slightly useful. Keith fell asleep and I couldn't wake him up. And not only that, but he was taking up the whole couch, so I had nowhere to sit. So I picked up his head, sat down and put his head on my lap. From there, I proceeded to try and wake him with some very good annoyance tactics. Did not work. So I basically just farted a lot to wake him up. I wish I could say I was joking, but sadly, it's the honest to goodness truth. Disgusting. I know. But oddly, it's still mildly entertaining to talk about bodily functions. Some people are not of this opinion. You know what I say to those people? Nothing. Because I don't associate with them. I prefer crude and possibly offensive humor, and I like my friends to think similarly, even if maybe they're afraid to admit it to the general public. And that's basically all I have to say about that.

Death From Above

Today was....interesting. If any of you are friends with me on facebook or follow me on twitter, then you know that I had a near death experience this morning. There I was, minding my own business, closing the garage door at the warehouse when suddenly my face was attacked by GODZILLASPIDER! Oh. My. GAWD! It was huge and scary and it fell on my face, skittered down my neck and then onto my boobs. My boobs. Omfg. I shrieked and of course started slapping at my body and basically just spazzing out. I tripped over God knows what and almost dove head first into a stack of buns. So I'm writhing around and slapping myself yelling "OHMYGODFUCKTHERESABUGOHFUCKITSONME" repeatedly and Keith is just standing there like "what the hell is going on?" Finally I calmed down enough to stop for a second and stutter something out about spiders and bugs and my face and point in the general direction of the incident. And oh my god, there it is crawling around on the floor. It's so disgusting and creepy and my hysteria starts all over again. Keith just laughs and stomps its disgusting bug body into oblivion. It made the most satisfying crunch. I ran to him and he held me while I cried and shuddered and basically had an anxiety attack. This lasted about ten minutes. Needless to say, spiders are my worst enemies and my number one fear. It makes me appreciate the fact that the Orkin man came to the house today while we were at work. He comes every two months. Yay! I just thank God that my mouth wasn't open when the spider fell. I swear to you, had that thing gone into my mouth, I would've vomited, shit my pants, my head would have exploded and I would've died. The image of that thing just being on me will haunt my dreams for weeks.*Shudder*

Has anyone ever used an Instead Softcup? For your period or otherwise? I'm interested in trying them out for several reasons. The first being that although tampons don't usually hurt me to have them in, it's pretty fucking uncomfortable to have to insert them and take them out several times a day, everyday. That's just a sensitive area and although they're made of cotton, tampons are kinda scratchy. Secondly, it's safe to wear for up to 12 hours. That seems like a long ass time. And it is. But it would be really great for days that I'm on the bread route or really busy or just feeling lazy (which is always). Third, you can wear it during sex! Do you realize what this means? It means that we can do the no pants dance and Keith's weenie won't look like it committed a mass homicide! OMG, yes! Sign me up! Anyways, I really want to try them, but I guess I'd have to make sure I can reach my cervix first. I read a couple of hilarious tales from women with short fingers who could instert, but not remove their Softcup. I'm not willing to go all up in there with some tweezers. Brave, brave ladies. Or stupid. Whatever. My fingers are a fairly decent length, but every doctor I've been to says my cervix is "way up there." This is a direct quote. I know. It sounds so intelligent.

I have a problem. There. I said it. Maybe now I can start on the road to recovery. What? You'd like to know what my addiction is? ......Carbs. Horrible, delicious carbs. I'm such a fatty. Today I ordered large chili cheese fries with onions from Sonic and ate the WHOLE thing! So bad, but so delicious. Why must evil be so tasty? As someone who may or may not have PCOS/insulin resistance, refined carbohydrates are a no-no. A big one. As your body digests these terrible, wonderful foods, your blood sugar spikes to help it along. Only problem with refined carbs is that your body gets confused and they're basically converted to more sugars. So now you've just got a shitload of sugar floating around inside of you. Does anyone know what the body does with sugars? It converts them into energy. Does anyone know what happens to the sugars that aren't used? That's right. They get stored as fat. This is the problem. It would seem that my body does not metabolize sugars correctly, as I may or may not be resistant to insulin. So fats they become. This is true. My ass can confirm that this is fact. All you have to do is look at it. That's why it's so much better for me to eat whole grains. Actually, it's better for everyone. You can develop insulin resistance over time, so be careful. Anyways, whole grains are harder for your body to digest. So it takes longer. Which means that the sugars are more spread out and blahblahblah. Just google it. GTS, Google that shit.

If there is one thing that I absolutely do not understand, it's why there is never any toilet paper at the warehouse when I have to use the bathroom. Everytime I turn around the toilet is clogged with shit and toilet paper. Yet when I go in the bathroom to do a simple number one there is never, EVER any toilet paper. What the fuck, guys? Men need toilet paper way less often than women, but do I ever see the mysterious roll anywhere in the warehouse? No. Never. And half of the time there's shit particles and tp remnants in the bowl. Like maybe they just used it that morning, but refuse to share their secret hoard with anyone. I suppose I'll just have to start bringing my own and hiding it from everyone also. Stupid men.

La La La La Family Guy

The title has nothing to do with this post. It's just what's on tv right now.

What is up with pregnant people? Why must every status update include the words "pregnant," "preggo," or "preggers?" Women: we have not forgotten that you are with child. Please stop reminding me with every status that you've got what I want. You're messing with my fragile infertile mind!

Keith and I basically stayed up all night. But it sure wasn't my fault. See, he only needs about 4 or 5 hours of sleep to function and feel ok (I need about twice that amount). Well, yesterday we both fell asleep around 5. Just for a little nap. I woke up an hour later, but he didn't. I tried and tried to wake him up. Just about every half hour. I couldn't wake him up for the life of me. So he woke up around 10 feeling all refreshed and shit. I was kinda tired, but I was lonely for the five hours he was asleep (I'm needy, I know). So I stayed up with him until about 3. The surprising thing is that he went right back tosleep. I don't understand how he does it, but that man can fall asleep in about 7 minutes. Seriously. I wish I was that lucky. Some nights I'll lay awake for hours. But this is beside the point.

ONWARD! We watched Drumline last night. I know. You're thinking "WTF, why???" And the answer is because it was on and nothing else was. This is when I decided that I like Snoop Dogg. (He's not in the actual movie, but yeah.) So I told Keith:

Me: I like Snoop Dogg. I think I need more D Oh Double G in my life.
Keith: What? Why? He sucks.
Me: He so does not suck.
Keith: Yes he does and you're not allowed to like him.
Me: Yes huh! If people are allowed to like Jersey Shore then I'm allowed to like Snoop Dogg.
Keith: People AREN'T allowed to like Jersey Shore! Or that Philadelphia show. Sometimes I see on tv that shows are coming back for another season and I think "NOOOOO!!! WHY GOD???" It makes no sense.

So that's how that went. (And I really do like Snoop Dogg, kind of.)

Keith and I kinda got into a tiny argument today. I awoke to a glorious day. Beautiful clear blue skies, gentle breeze, about 100 degrees. So naturally, I wanted to go to the lake. I got all of my housework done super fast. Record time, pretty much. But Keith says that we have other things to do today. What? We have to wash the freakin bread truck. So. Lame. So of course I wasn't too happy, but we got it done. Keith says if we hurry we can go ahead and go swim. After the work was done he says he changed his mind and doesn't want to go anymore. Fucker. Way to bribe your wife into doing shit she hates for nothing. NOTHING I TELL YOU!!! Get home and yeah, I have an attitude. Who wouldn't? (There is a point to this tale. I'm getting there.) He says he's tired and that he wishes I knew what it's like to be tired all the time. 'Scuse me? My body is at war with itself everyfuckinday, good sir. Nothing in me works the way it should. I lose blood constantly. Everyday, all day. I stress about every little thing, even though I don't want to. I ride the emotional rollercoaster. It's a never ending ride. I have no idea how to get off. Don't you think you'd be tired after going through that everyday? Plus I have to run all the errands, cook the food, and do the housework. There might be only two of us right now, but we make a decent sized mess. So I know what it's like to feel tired all the time. Maybe not in the same way that Keith is always tired, but that doesn't make it any less of a problem.

But we ended up going to the lake anyways, which was nice. Really, really hot even at 6 in the evening, but nice nonetheless. There was a skanky couple who looked like they were having too much "fun" out in the water, which was kind of gross.  The water felt like a giant bath tub. I wish it would've been cold though. Would've been so refreshing. We got out of the water pretty quickly when we saw some bubbles rise to the surface a little too close to us. Who knows? Maybe it was a turtle. Or maybe not. But we got out anyways. We ended up staying an hour, maybe an hour and a half. Left there and went to buy some groceries, came home and made paskettis. Not too bad of a day, I suppose. Had a little trouble, but we're over it. Now to snuggle up in bed :)

Weenie

Keith says that if I name my post weenie it will draw in more readers. And yes, we do call it a weenie. So? And he's been complaining the last two days of ass chafing. It happens now and then when he gets sweaty and is wearing certain undies or pants. I think it's kinda funny that he delivered to the prison yesterday and that's when he started complaing of ass chafing. You can draw your own conclusions from that statement. (But Keith doesn't really engage in violent butt sex with angry prisoners. Or any kind of butt sex with anyone, for that matter. But it's still funny.)

I'm afraid I really don't have much to post about today. I felt so bad today, that that's all I could think about. Lucky for me my boss is a mostly nice guy. He sent me home early. My reproductive organs were killing me, I had kidney pain, a UTI, a fever, I was feeling all emotional, and my tampon was hurting me. I don't know what's up with that last one. I always think women who complain that tampons hurt them are idiots. If a penis can fit in there and be ok, a tampon can too. But for whatever reason it was really fucking hurting. And not only that, but I filled it in only 2 hours. Not the best thing. Gross. I know. I'm sorry for disgusting you with these details, but I have a blog to write and that's all the material I have. Deal with it.
 
Anyways, back to my other shit. I really don't know what's wrong with me, but all of those things are pretty common for me. Just not usually all at once like today. I feel like I live with a UTI. I probably get one every 3 weeks or so. The kidney pains come and go. I swear I'm drinking enough water and other fluids. I drink maybe four bottles a day. That's 60 something ounces. Reproductive organ pain is obviously a given. Fuck you, ovarian cysts. Emotional, yes. Always. As for fever, this is fairly new. I'm not sure what to think of it. For the past couple of weeks my temperature has been in the 99s or higher. Pissing me off. And I keep getting bruised, but that's probably due to losing blood on a regular basis. And I guess I'm done complaining for now.
 
Keith's computer keeps doing some weird shit. Today is the second day in a row I've been in the middle of a post and it just closes everything and shuts down. Thank goodness Blogger autosaves. Too bad it won't let me go directly into the draft to edit like the BlogPress app on my iPhone. That's so convenient. BlogPress is a third party app, but Blogger should really start advertising it as their official app. I love it and highly reccommend it to anyone who has ever been bored or busy and wants to blog on the go.
 
I'm actually feeling much better now than I have all day. I came home, took some pain meds, took a nap, had a sandwich, and now I feel ok. I'd really like to go to karaoke, but my coworker is going tonight, I think, and I don't want anyone to think I was just skipping out on work when I genuinely felt bad. And I felt so bad for leaving early that I cried. At work. In my boss's office. He was very understanding, but I felt slightly awkward. Although it was nice to get a hug from a fatherly figure. I fucking miss having parents.
 
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Crap on Toast

So I started the blanket for baby Andrew. But I didn't like it so I started over. And now I don't like how it's starting to look, so I'll probably have to unravel half of it and try again. But in my defense, I haven't crocheted in like 5 years. So suck it.

Ok, I've known Keith literally for my entire life (most of it, anyways). And I know this is weird, but I've known for a long time that Keith was the one for me. Like since I was 12. I used to fantasize that someday we would get married. And get naked together. And now all of that has come true. (12 year old me was a dirty, dirty pervert.) We will have been a couple for two years this October.

It really bothers me when people tell me "Oh, I know how you feel. It took us 3 whole months to conceive our child." Really bitch? Three months? Let's try 2 years. In the two years we've been together, we've probably used a condom 3 times. TMI, I know, but I'm trying to make a point here. What I'm saying is that in two years of passionate, sweaty, delicious baby making, we have yet to make an actual baby. So I guess you could just call it sex. Whichever. So I don't want to hear you piss and moan about 3 months. Cuz that ain't shit to me, honey.

But Keith is very supportive, even though I'm going crazy with worry. Like what the hell could possibly be preventing me to have a child? How is it fair that everyone else in my family is super fertile and I'm the lonely little bug, all alone in my infertility corner? It's not fair. And sometimes I get irritated with God about it. But I also pray for Him to help us reach our goals and blah blah blah. But it's kind of hard to pray to a being that keeps putting you through shit. But I'm really trying to keep faith. Doesn't always work, but you can't appreciate the good things without the bad I guess.

And so I'm off. Gotta get back to doing nothing at work and thinking about what to make for dinner and if aliens are real and if maybe one day I'll crochet a shitty blanket for my own fat baby.

I Take Notes

That's right. I actually take notes throughout the day on my iPhone so that I can remember what I want to write about. I would be my high school English teacher's favorite ever. And I also realize that this is pretty lame. Whatever.

So anyways, I went to get my guitar today. It still needs more work. Apparently the warpedness of it wasn't actually my fault. But I did buy it used, so maybe the dude who sold it to me screwed it up. Scott from the music store gave me the guy's info who can further repair it. Maybe I'll call eventually.

I bought tons and tons and tons of yarn today so that I can start to crochet some baby blankets. One for baby Andrew, and one for my sister's baby girl. So far I have 2 rows done. Keith says maybe I should just crochet all the time to help relieve stress. Or give myself carpal tunnel syndrome, whichever. I hope the blankets turn out nicely. I'd hate to have to give an ugly, shitty baby gift.

Why oh why can't my cable company ever do anything right? I went in today to pay my bill and cancel our subscription to Showtime, since it really blows, and add Starz and Encore because they don't blow. So the lady goes and types a bunch and says "Ok, it should be fixed when you get home." And of course it's not fixed. So what else is new?

And a friend from high school informed me that her husband does insurance stuff. So I sent him our info and what we're looking for and now I'm just waiting on some quotes! Hopefully they're good and we can pick one by next week. I'm so ready to have insurance.

What's this I hear about religious groups being against fertility treatments? Something to the effect of creating life that shouldn't have been because God didn't create it, blah blah blah. What the fuck is with that? That's so stupid. By that logic cancer treatments are wrong because humans are saving a life that God decided should be ended...right? (This is not my actual opinion, I'm just making comparisons.) And besides, if God didn't want us to use fertility treatments, He wouldn't have given us the means to discover the methods. And that's what I think about that.

Keith Made Me Lie.

So I know I said it would be within an hour like an hour and a half ago, but Keith turned me into a liar. (I'm just kidding. I was already a liar.) He forced me to exercise. I know. You're thinking "Omg, what a controlling bitch of a husband," but no. It's great. I need someone to bitch slap me into working out. (Never fear. There was no actual bitch slapping. No bitches were harmed in the making of this blog.) I only worked out for 10 minutes, but it's a start. Now I just need to get back on my super healthy diet. Please start sending me pictures of sexy bikini bodies to make me jealous and motivate me to workout more. Or you could just send chocolate. How will this help? It won't, but it sure will taste good!

I brought my guitar to the music store in town to get it restrung. I'm such an idiot that I left it in the truck all day while I was at work, so the neck was all warped from the heat when I brought it  in. Luckily Scott (the music store man who asked for a piece of gum. It was my last piece. I gave it to him anyways.) is a nice guy, so the strings, the neck adjust, and putting the strings on will cost me around $45. Yaaay! And he said there's an 18 year old kid that does lessons there once or twice a week or something like that. I may look into it, but I want to suck less before I start lessons. Stupid. I know. But that's just how I roll. Anyways, I played for 30 minutes last night, just to do a quick brush up. Omfg, my fingers HURT!!! Like, a ridiculous amount. It hurts to type. And to run them under hot water. Owie.

So that's 2 goals I've started on. The others will follow, slowly but surely.

We've started looking into health insurance. Neither of our employers offer health care as far as we know. Bimbo (Mrs. Baird's) might, but I'm not sure if they offer it to independent operators (which is what Keith is) or not. He has Allstate insurance for the bread truck, but they only offer supplemental health care, which basically means that they just fill in the gaps that your regular health care leaves, I think. Suckage. So, if anyone has any advice on affordable, reliable health care that will also help pay for diagnostic/fertility thingies, then please let me know. I'm not looking for something that will cover IVF, just something that will pay for some tests (laparoscopy, hystersalpingogram, hormone panels, clomid, etc.) and maybe a treatment or two. I have a feeling that things are going to start getting pretty expensive in the next year or two, and I really don't want to keep paying so much out of pocket. Because that blows. Hard.

I stopped taking my supplements and such. I'm hoping that my doc will go ahead and give me hormones on the 24th and I probably shouldn't keep taking things that may interfere with that. Although, I could probably still take my prenatals. But I'm really, really sick of taking pills. They make me want to punch babies. I'm wondering if my doc will prescribe hormones in pill form or what. I guess I could deal with pills. Much better than stinky creams or suppositories. Oh, and my sister and I have appointments on the same day, at the same time, at the same doctor's office. I'm really hoping to confuse the shit out of someone. Because I'm a dick that way. And come on, hilarious!

Ok, I've really been thinking about the next steps for fertility testing. (OH! And while I'm thinking about it, how long does one have to wait to get some tests done after getting health insurance? I've heard that some providers make you wait a year before they will cover fertility issues. But constant bleeding would be more of a health thing, right? So maybe they would cover some diagnostic testing....?) I think that I'm going to ask for a copy of my hormone bloodwork. I know the doc said that it looked ok, but I want to see the numbers for myself. I want to do some definitive testing to see whether or not I for sure have PCOS. And I want a glucose tolerance test. I show an alarming amount of insulin resistance symptoms. They're pretty bad. Once I get the results of all of that, maybe we could do a lap. But maybe in the mean time we could do the hormones to see if they stop my bleeding. I hope they do. I figure if it works, we can wait for one cycle. And then when I start my period for the second time after hormones, maybe we can do some CD3 bloodwork and maybe think about Clomid if my hormones seem ok. Oh, and somewhere in there Keith can get a semen analysis, if I can force him to do it. Does that sound like a good plan? It sounds ok to me. Expensive, but not impossible. (See why I need health insurance?) Do you think I'll have the guts to tell my doc that this is what I want to do, dammit? Me neither. But wish me lots of luck anyways.

Goals

I once read that it's easier to accomplish your goals if you don't tell anyone about them. The theory was that you already start to feel accomplished once you tell someone, so you don't actually get things done. I find that this is true at times. But I want to share some of my goals anyways. Mainly because I want to write them down and my reasoning behind them. Maybe it will help remind me why I set the goal in the first place.

• Lose 10-15 pounds. Why? Because I'm a fatty. No, for real though, I'd like to lose that weight because it would make me feel more confident with my body and self image. Plus, I'm a fatty.
• Get my guitar re-strung and start learning more. Why? Because I love music and I think that it could be therapeutic for me. Music has always been there for me, and I think that once I learn more, I can start to create my own.
• Save more money. Why? Because it's money. Duh. We (and when I say "we," I mean "me/I") always spend money on the dumbest stuff. Like a brand new XBox 360. Or clothes. Or a $500 gambling trip. That's money that we could've been saving in case we end up needing fertility treatments. Or maybe a house. I don't want to live in an apartment forever.
• Get my credit score up. Why? Because it would be helpful when we get ready to buy a house. It's not bad credit. I just don't have any. At all. Sucks.
• Finish school. Why? Good job, salary, buy house, etc. But first I really need to decide what I want to do when I graduate. So far I have: work outside, work with kids, possibly with animals. What fits this? Zookeeper. That would be such a kickass job. But I digress.
• Stop having a period. Why? Because I'm tired of bleeding from my vagina.Obviously.
• Buy a house. Why? More things to decorate! I mother effing love decorating. Is there by any chance a job where I can decorate children and animals while playing outside? Because that would be awesome. Plus, I'd like a house because my parents never actually owned a real live house. Trailers? Yep. House? No. Not fully anyways. They were $5000ish short. My sis may pick up the payments for the land, since the house is no more. (Eff you, hurricane Ike.)
• Have a baby. Why? Because Keith and I love each other so much that our hearts can't contain it all, so we need to create life to store all of that extra love. And I've been taking care of people my whole life. Now there is nobody left who depends on me ('cept Keith). I kind of want that responsibility and unconditional love thing back. Plus, CUTENESS, helllooooo!?!?

I think that's a pretty decent list. Mostly long term goals, but they're honorable things, I think. I can't really put them on a timeline, but that's ok. I don't feel the need to micro manage that much at this point.

I'm really enjoying this blog so far. Not because it's super popular or anything (which it's not), but because it's like a diary. A very public diary. I like being able to put my thoughts and feelings out there and think that maybe someone is reading it because they just really want to know ME. Not the me I am at work or at school, but the me I am in my head. ME, me. And I like that. I want people to know me. I want them to know that I'm not being a bitch just because I like it, but because I can't help it. I want them to know that I don't smile as much as I used to because I can't. Not physically. Emotionally. I want people to know that there's more to me than what they saw in high school or what they see now when they look at me or my Facebook status updates. I want people to know that even though I'm struggling internally, I'm still living my life. I'm still pushing through each day, even though it hurts sometimes. Why? Because that's all you can do. And maybe seeing me go through my issues will help someone else realize that they can make it through their own as well. And I like that.

Nothing of Interest

Nothing important happened today. Keith messed with my computer last night to help it run better. I got zero sleep until about 6:30 this morning. But the good news is that my loaner phone is all synced up and in fine working order. It was still like a 5 hour ordeal, even with a faster computer.

Man, I can't wait till my doc appointment. I just wanna get this crap over and done with. I really want to know for sure what's wrong with me. It's kinda freaking me out. I mean, what if I have premature ovarian failure or something? That would mean I'd never be able to have my own child. I'd rather scoop my own eyes out with a spork than remain childless. But Keith says not to talk like that because it doesn't help anything. He's so right. But worrying comes naturally to me and I just can't help it. But anyways, it was so nice hearing him telling me to calm down and we'll get through this because he's ready for his baby. Awwwwww. I know. Gag fest to everyone but us. But in all honesty, I'm ready for it too. Stupid infertility.

I hope my doc has a plan. Or I hope she'll at least be ok with the one I've devised. But it all comes down to the hormones. If the hormones don't help, then I'm specialist bound. And of course I'll owe them my first born child when all is said and done, but that's another story. But basically I'm really really hoping the hormones do what they're supposed to do. I have a feeling I'm setting myself up for disappointment, but I'm going to hope for the best anyways.

Without Further Ado...

Jeez Louise, it's taken me a long time to post. Sorry if I left anyone hangin.

We went to a little club last night. An honest to goodness members only bar. We bought a membership. It's only $15 for a year. We had a great time singing karaoke. I totally rocked their world.

Keith got pretty drunk and was hungry, so we went to Burger King. I asked him what he wanted and he said he wanted a puppy......ok.... But what do you want to eat? So we ordered and went up to the window, where Keith kept yelling for some "wai'in fries." He wanted fries while he waited for the food. Ridiculous. And not only that, but he was talking all ghetto-fied to the black guy at the window. Embarrassing.

Aaaaannnd we went to either get my phone fixed or upgrade today. Keith is eligible for upgrade. I'm not. But they didn't have any iPhone 4s in stock. And the guy wanted an extraordinary amount of money to fix my phone. So no phone or fix. Luckily my sis had a 16 gig iPhone just laying around, so I get to struggle with my piece of shit, virus infested computer to back up my new apps and sync the new phone.

The computer. UGH. It caused a meltdown. I totally lost it. Got angry and mean and then started crying all over Keith's shoulder. And it was just so uncontrollable. I told him that I don't like being this way. I don't like being mean to him or to anyone else. I don't like myself like this. I have no idea why I am the way I am, all I know is that I absolutely hate it. I probably need counselling and to be heavily medicated. I just can't stop lashing out and getting so worked up over things. I can't control it. What do I do?

Coworkers

Sometimes I feel coworkers are the bane of my existence. Not all of them. Just one in particular. She's constantly droning on and on about her perfect children and perfect life and perfect recipes. Irritating. It seems like anytime I mention something I've done, she's done it too, only waaayyy better. Fucking one-upper. I HATE one-uppers. I think just about everyone knows at least one. Anytime you tell a story, they have one very similar or exactly like it, only it's 1,000 times better than yours. How rude is that? Why don't you just wear a shirt that says "Hey, I'm an arrogant bitch," then you could get your point across and people would know to avoid you. In fact, I think it would be a good idea for everyone to wear a shirt that displays their bad qualities, just so everyone would know what to expect. Mine would say something along the lines of "bitchy, sarcastic, narcissistic, passive agressive, abuser of the evil death stare." What would yours say?

Sometimes I catch myself staring at my hands. They're exactly like my mom's, only slightly smaller. I kind of like it, but at times it makes me want to just chop them off. Just one more constant reminder.

Speaking of my mom, I dream of her a lot. But they're all really weird dreams. Not too long ago I had a dream that she was dead and her past self somehow accidentally came forward in time. She had no idea what she'd done, so she was really confused because I was being so clingy and crying. But the thing of it was that I couldn't let her know that her present self was dead because it would create a time paradox. Nerdy. I also had another creepy dream about her recently. I dreamt that I was in the shower and the lights went out so I was calling for Keith. Well he wasn't coming. So I got out of the shower and went to the door when it suddenly swung open and hit me in the nose. But it wasn't Keith on the other side it was my mom. I didn't freak out, but I did say "What are you doing here? You're dead." And she says "I know, but I wanted to visit you." And I just kept saying "But, but, but you're DEAD!" Finally she was like "I KNOW! Would you quit freaking out? I wanted to visit you, but you can't let anyone know I'm here." So we watched movies in bed until she had to go away. I know. I'm so weird. We should add weird and nerdy to my shirt.

So I guess I'm making it. Slowly but surely, one day at a time.

"When bad fortune occurs, the unresourceful, unimaginative man looks about him to attach the blame to someone else; the resolute accepts misfortune and endeavors to survive, mature, and improve because of it."
-Masterhealer Capiam from Anne McCaffrey's Moreta: Dragonlady of Pern

Similar To an Epidemic

This blog is catching on. Ok, so it IS just among my friends. Maybe it's not so much an epidemic as it is just a bad case of mono going around.

Please tell me I'm not the only dumbass who remembers power bracelets. Glass beads of different colors, said to bring energy, luck, love, blahblahblah. I think I had about 20 and I wore them all at once. (This was during middle school, mind you, and bracelets were THE big thing. Also, NECKLACES!) I believe you could hear me coming a mile away. Those bracelets were so noisy, just clacking away. Thank GOD that trend hasn't come back yet.

I have to tell you, I probably ate at least a pound of grapes last night. Not sure how many Keith ate, but I'm positive that I ate waaayyyy more than him. (Can we say fatty?) Anyways, there we were, happily gorging ourselves with grapes, watching Futurama in blissful silence when BAM! Cries of agony because omg I'm 68% sure I just bit my freakin lip in half!!!! Of course, Keith found this hilaaarious, called me a fatass, and suggested I take the time to chew more carefully. Jerk. And then he asked me: "Why can't broccoli taste like grapes? Then everyone would love it." My reasoning was that if broccoli tasted like grapes, then it would tast like shit with gobs of melted cheese. He didn't get it.

He also read my blog. He says it's getting better, and that my lack of creativity in recreating an argument was the funniest thing so far. He also said that my rant was a bit *insert angry cat noises here.* No, seriously. He made angry cat noises.

On a slightly more serious note, I really wish I would've been taught more about fertility issues when I was younger. Maybe I would have been diagnosed sooner and could've been helping myself this whole time. As a teenager, I could go months with no period. I'm talking 2, 3, sometimes 4 months (I'd kill for that. Now Aunt F has taken up permanent residence, the mooching whore.) I wasn't sexually active, so I wasn't worried about being pregnant, but it was still pretty unsettling. I explained to my mom what was going on, but she thought maybe I was just working out too much. Totally wasn't the case. I would've had to be running soooo much more for it to affect my cycle. If I would've known about cysts and PCOS back then, I probably would've put two and two together when I was hospitalized overnight for crippling pain in my abdomen. They thought it was my appendix, but after all the tests, they ruled it out and didn't do any further testing. Small town hospitals for ya. We weren't aware of anything else it could be, like a cyst bursting, so we didn't push the matter. Oh how I wish we did. So, my question for you is this: Should teen girls be more informed of fertility issues? (PCOS, endometriosis, premature ovarian failure, etc.) And if you think they should, at what age would you want them to learn about it? When they start their period for the first time, or during high school sex ed? Another thing to consider is knowing your own fertility signs: basal body temp, cervical fluids (which come out through the vagina during your cycle. Most mistake cervical fluids as discharge because of an infection and are embarrassed, only because they don't know any better.), etc. Should young girls know about these as well, and why or why not? (I think they should, and I have good reasoning behind it.)

And lastly, I scheduled my doctor's appointment for the 24th. Pump me full of hormones, bitches! Hopefully it'll help my cycles become a bit more regular. And then maybe we can do Clooomiiiid!

D to the E to the L-I-C-I-O-U-S

I love my blog so far. It's so blogalicious.

We watched the Runaways last night, and omg! Dakota Fanning = WOMAN!!! That's crazy stuff right there.

What in the world is this obsession with silly bands? Rubber bands. That are shapes. And you wear them on your wrist, but what's the point? You can't see the shapes if they're on your wrist. Stupid.

Ok and why is it people always come to me about relationships? I hate giving relationship advice because people either get offended or look at me like I'm a retard. You want relationship advice? Ok, here: stop fighting so much. And if you can't stop fighting, either break up or find a way to get over it. I won't say that Keith and I don't fight, because we do. But the difference between us and most other couples is that we know when to say "fuck you." Here's an example:

Keith: You did this and now I'm mad.
Me: Well maybe if you didn't blah blah blah.
Keith: You're full of shit.
Me: No, YOU'RE full of shit. And you know what else? Fuck you.

And then the argument is over and 10 minutes later we're all cuddly and love each other again. This method works in almost any situation, and I would reccommend it to anyone, but as it turns out, most people aren't comfortable telling their significant other to fuck off. Who knew?

Know what else I dislike? Glee and it's cult following. I like to refer to them as Gleetards. I watched Glee once, and it's only redeeming quality was Jane Lynch, because she's the shit. Anyways, I hate Glee, and I really hate most Glee fans because they're idiots. You'll watch this annoying shit, but you won't sit down and watch the Sound of Music with me? Gay.

In fertility news, I'm getting fed up with this period. I think today I shall schedule an appointment with my doctor and demand that she pump me full of horrible synthetic hormones. The natural approach is pissing me off.

And last but not least, I was recounting yesterday's events to my boss (including the leaving early part), and he gave me a look that said "Omg, I know you're like, my favoritest person in the world, but you can't just leave whenever you want!" And I could totally tell that he was about to scold me a bit about it, but you know what I did? I just kept right on talking and didn't let him get a word in edgewise. And you know what? It worked. Proof that I'm amazing.

Sorry

Wow, that's one word you don't hear me say often.

Ok, I lied. I do say sorry often. It's being wrong I don't admit to, because let's face it: I'm always right.

So anyways, sorry for the rant earlier. My day was...shall we say, less than awesome? Been sick since yesterday and on top of that I shattered the screen of my iPhone. I was so pissed about it that I left work 45 minutes early without permission. *GASP* Luckily, my boss loves me and I actually don't give a shit if he gets mad at me or not. That's why my coworkers let me give him bad news all the time. This bitch ain't skeerd. Ok, enough. ANYWAYS: I was so pissed I left early and came in the door crying because omg, my iPhone is broken and now my life is over!!! But I got over it once I remembered that there's a place in the mall that can fix it for like $50. And then, I was actually kind of happy because iPhone has really been pissing me off lately, the little shit. It's all like "Hey, I'm gonna run slow and crash right in the middle of your high score game that you've been playing just fine for the past 10 minutes." And I'm all like "Fuck your mother, iPhone. I OWN you, now do what I say or I'll break your face." And today, I actually broke it's face. So now it knows who's the boss.

Moving on. I recently came out of the TTC closet to friends and family, for lack of a better phrase. I've heard some ladies say that they "announced" that they're TTC. Announced? Really? Did you prepare a speech or some shit? Gay. Anyways, half of everyone doesn't care because they're in their late teens/early 20s and they're more worried about whether or not I can shotgun a beer. They don't give a crap about babies. And the other half is outraged. "TTC?!?!?!?! You're 21, you should be partying/texting/worrying about outfits/drinking and driving. You're too young for babies!" Um, excuse me bitch, but maybe you haven't noticed all the little 15 year old, unmarried, unemployed bitches running around with babies on their hips. I'm pretty sure that I can handle it, thanks.

Speaking of TTC (which is short for "trying to conceive," btw), I reached a milestone today. I was in the checkout lane at Walmart and the lady is making small talk, which is cool. Well, I throw my four boxes of Capri Suns (don't judge me, those things are delicious and convenient. respect the pouch.) up on the belt and she's like "Oh, your kids must love these for you to be buying so many at once!" So I say "Well, I wish I could say that they're for my kids, but my husband and I don't have any, you nosey whore." And then nosey whore is all like "Well why don't you have any children yet?" Me: "We're just going through a lot of crap with all that right now, and thanks for reminding me that my ovaries are fucked." Nosey Whore: "Well, you're still young. You have plenty of time." Riiiiiiight. Yep, it was officially the first time a complete stranger questioned me about my fertility. Hahahahahahahahabitch.

Well, I'm off here. I made a pizza for dinner and it looks like it's gonna be the SHIT, so I'm gonna go eat it now.

Maybe I Am a Downer

But at this point, I think I have the right. I'm not trying to lash out at anyone, but I wish that people would stop and look back at what I've been through lately.

Both of my parents died within the last 2 years, I feel like shit all the time, I have my period everyfuckingday, I can't make babies, and not only that, but I'm stressed out by my family constantly. I can't deal with my problems and theirs. It's honestly not my responsibility and I don't want to do it. They're adults. They should be able to figure it out for themselves. Plus, my hormones are so screwed up that I'm a raging bitch who hates everyone more than half of the time. So yeah, maybe I'm a little depressed. My patience is wearing thin and I wish people would just back off and leave me alone for a while and stop giving me shit about something every time I turn around. I realize that you're just giving me advice because you so OBVIOUSLY know what's good for me better than I do, but really? I don't want your advice. If I did, I'd ask you for it. But until then, I'd appreciate it if you'd just cram your advice up your obviously-better-than-me ass.*

*This rant is not directed at anyone specifically. I'm just tired of people.

Location:Jasper,United States

So, Here I Am

Yep. First blog. It's like the first time you meet a new person: kind of unsure of yourself, maybe a bit awkward...

But who am I kidding? I'm always awkward. And loud. Very loud.

Anyways, I know what you're thinking: "Oh great, here's another craptastic blog from someone who's just going to whine about being infertile. Doesn't she know that she could just relax and it will happen? What a dumbass." Well guess what? You're absolutely right (except not about the relaxing part)! Kind of. You'll also get to read about...well...whatever the hell else I feel like posting.

I guess maybe you'd like me to introduce myself. I'm Kris, 21, and I'm newly married to Keith, the funniest guy alive. I've known him my entire life, and we were engaged for a year and a half before we got married. I've always known that I want just about a bajillion kids, so in June of last year, we moved into our new apartment and began the "not preventing" phase of TTC. I was having a bit of trouble with my cycles, but then again, I always have. So after four months, we stepped it up and began actively TTC. And that's when the shit hit the proverbial fan. My body started FREAKING OUT! As in, big time. My cycles became shorter and shorter and shorter, and fast forward to now, it's been discovered that I'm all cyst-y and just totally effed up. Possible PCOS and insulin resistance, low hormones, rarely ovulate, and menometrorrhagia, which basically means I have my period all the time. We tried birth control for a while, much to my dismay, but it didn't do shit but make it worse.

So...what now? Well, my doc has talked about giving me hormones as a treatment, but I've heard crappy things about the side effects. So Keith and I have decided to take a more herbal approach. May or may not be a good thing. But we're both more agreeable to this course of action. For now.

Meanwhile, my sister, who is now 18, has an 18 month old boy and a girl due in October. October is going to be a shit month. I can feel it. The arrival of a cute new baby (that does NOT belong to me) right at the one year mark of TTC. Greeaaaaat.

I guess that's just about it for now, as I'm sure I'm boring all zero of you readers.