Goals

I once read that it's easier to accomplish your goals if you don't tell anyone about them. The theory was that you already start to feel accomplished once you tell someone, so you don't actually get things done. I find that this is true at times. But I want to share some of my goals anyways. Mainly because I want to write them down and my reasoning behind them. Maybe it will help remind me why I set the goal in the first place.

• Lose 10-15 pounds. Why? Because I'm a fatty. No, for real though, I'd like to lose that weight because it would make me feel more confident with my body and self image. Plus, I'm a fatty.
• Get my guitar re-strung and start learning more. Why? Because I love music and I think that it could be therapeutic for me. Music has always been there for me, and I think that once I learn more, I can start to create my own.
• Save more money. Why? Because it's money. Duh. We (and when I say "we," I mean "me/I") always spend money on the dumbest stuff. Like a brand new XBox 360. Or clothes. Or a $500 gambling trip. That's money that we could've been saving in case we end up needing fertility treatments. Or maybe a house. I don't want to live in an apartment forever.
• Get my credit score up. Why? Because it would be helpful when we get ready to buy a house. It's not bad credit. I just don't have any. At all. Sucks.
• Finish school. Why? Good job, salary, buy house, etc. But first I really need to decide what I want to do when I graduate. So far I have: work outside, work with kids, possibly with animals. What fits this? Zookeeper. That would be such a kickass job. But I digress.
• Stop having a period. Why? Because I'm tired of bleeding from my vagina.Obviously.
• Buy a house. Why? More things to decorate! I mother effing love decorating. Is there by any chance a job where I can decorate children and animals while playing outside? Because that would be awesome. Plus, I'd like a house because my parents never actually owned a real live house. Trailers? Yep. House? No. Not fully anyways. They were $5000ish short. My sis may pick up the payments for the land, since the house is no more. (Eff you, hurricane Ike.)
• Have a baby. Why? Because Keith and I love each other so much that our hearts can't contain it all, so we need to create life to store all of that extra love. And I've been taking care of people my whole life. Now there is nobody left who depends on me ('cept Keith). I kind of want that responsibility and unconditional love thing back. Plus, CUTENESS, helllooooo!?!?

I think that's a pretty decent list. Mostly long term goals, but they're honorable things, I think. I can't really put them on a timeline, but that's ok. I don't feel the need to micro manage that much at this point.

I'm really enjoying this blog so far. Not because it's super popular or anything (which it's not), but because it's like a diary. A very public diary. I like being able to put my thoughts and feelings out there and think that maybe someone is reading it because they just really want to know ME. Not the me I am at work or at school, but the me I am in my head. ME, me. And I like that. I want people to know me. I want them to know that I'm not being a bitch just because I like it, but because I can't help it. I want them to know that I don't smile as much as I used to because I can't. Not physically. Emotionally. I want people to know that there's more to me than what they saw in high school or what they see now when they look at me or my Facebook status updates. I want people to know that even though I'm struggling internally, I'm still living my life. I'm still pushing through each day, even though it hurts sometimes. Why? Because that's all you can do. And maybe seeing me go through my issues will help someone else realize that they can make it through their own as well. And I like that.