Wondering

Do you ever get the feeling that people "close" to you don't like you? I do. Often. Call me crazy, but I just get the feeling that Keith's family just really isn't all that into me. I mean, it's too late cuz we're already married, but still. We don't get invited anywhere unless his mom is involved. She invites us to everything, which I'm very grateful for. Nobody ever calls to chat or texts or contacts on Facebook. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

His brother and family live far away, but they still don't ever try to make contact. His sister and her family only live like fifteen minutes from here. We used to get invited over there. Not anymore. I'm sure it's because they all think I'm a heinous bitch. Granted, I'm not always the nicest person, but I've had a lot of problems in the last couple of years. Almost everything that was near and dear to me got suddenly taken away. I tried to heal my wounds with sex and alcohol, I'm ashamed to say. But it's the truth. Of course it didn't work. I was so depressed and had the worst self esteem. And then I got with Keith. By this point my body started going a bit funky and out of whack, but Keith was making things better.

So I had lots of wounds that weren't healed at first, and still aren't fully healed, but it's getting there. I wasn't the best version of myself when they were taking the time to get to know me. I was starting to come out of a deep depression, I was barely starting to like myself again, but my hormones were steadily going south. So I had plenty of issues. (Still do. Working on that.) I still didn't feel right most of the time. I tried to fake it, but I still had my bad moments.

And it seems this is all they care to think of me. Maybe I'm being delusional, but maybe not. Maybe if they didn't keep flaking out on events that we were all supposed to go to, I might feel differently. For example, there's a wedding today and everyone was supposed to go. Kind of. Keith's mom told us about it, so we decided to go ahead and go. Well now today, at the last minute, their suddenly not going. Maybe it's all in my head. But I just feel like they don't give a shit about me. I feel like they don't want to give me a second shot. And I have no idea how to reach out to someone who probably doesn't give a crap anyways. I don't know how to make them see that I'm changing for the better and that the cold shoulder is really starting to hurt my feelings. Sad thing is that they probably don't even read this blog, so they'll never know anyways.