A Letter

I don't know what to say. Actually, I have a lot to say but I know if I try to say it in person you won't listen. I'm just gonna start with this:

If you don't have a problem hanging out with the guy who beat you up, then WE have a problem.

I don't care how nice he's being now. He's beat up on you before, and he always treats you really good for a while afterwards, but what makes you think he won't do it again? He will, because no matter how much he says he'll change, he never does.

This isn't the life anyone wants for you, and it shouldn't be the life you want for yourself. Didn't you ever listen to mom talk about her time with our bio-dad and think to yourself "That will never be me"? Well right now it IS you. The only difference is that you have us here to help you get away from this situation. I know it's hard to adjust to living with us, but I'd hate for you to go back to that just because it's familiar or easier than getting used to us.

I know he wants a relationship with the kids. That's fine. But it doesn't mean he needs to have one with you. He's calling and texting all the time asking what you're doing and whether you realize it or not, it's a way to keep you tied to him. It's a way for him to control you.

I know you think you've got this under control, but I can see you softening to him. I can see you getting excited to see him again. Why? HE BEAT YOU. He punched you in the face and anywhere else he could reach. He beat you in front of your kids and made you fall on top of your son. You shouldn't want to see him or talk to him. You should be angry. You should want space. You should want to protect your kids and keep them away from that kind of life. But you don't seem to be feeling any of those things and I don't understand why.

Think of the example you are setting for your kids. Kids that grow up in abusive homes often grow up to either be abusers or allow themselves to be abused. Is that the kind of life you want for you son and daughter?

I thought you were smarter than this. It doesn't make you seem tough to stay with him. It makes you seem sad and brainwashed. It makes you seem like one of those sobbing abused wives on tv that gets beat but can't leave because in their minds they think they need to be with the men who hurt them. They don't see that what is going on is bad or that it will continue to happen.

Abusers don't change. They will always be abusive. The only thing that can change is you. You're lucky because we're giving you that opportunity. We love you and the kids so much that we are willing to sacrifice our financial stability, which we work very hard for, to ensure that y'all will have a better life.

Please don't be too mad at me after reading this. Know that I'm coming from a good place here. I don't want to hurt your feelings or make you feel guilty, or god forbid, alienate you and the kids from me. I just want to help you because I want you to be safe and happy.

I love you, I love your son, I love your daughter. Almost more than any other people on the planet. I hope you know that.