Lots of Stuff to Discuss

First of all, I am a terrible blogger. My page views have dropped significantly. I haven't responded to any review opportunities or comments. I'm sorry. I promise to try and do better. We've just had a lot going on lately.

I'm happy to announce that I have devised a genius plan. It seems my dose of Premarin is until the 22nd, not the 21st like I thought. Since I'm taking two a day, I'm going to take one the morning of the 20th and save the last five pills. So the 21st I'll start provera. That will last 5 days. Then I'll wait for AF. On the 5th day of AF, I'll start clomid. That will last 5 days. Once I finish clomid, I'll take those last 5 Premarin for the next 5 days since my lining is thin. This is a pretty common protocol with lots of clomid patients with thin linings. I'm not sure why my doctor didn't suggest it. Anyways, after ovulation I'll use my natural progesterone cream until AF comes (or for a long time if she doesn't).

I want to do everything I can to help this work. Especially because my health insurance got canceled and I'm not sure how much my doctor charges without insurance.

Diet and weight loss is going ok. I'm kinda upset that I can't veer from my diet even a little bit, though. For instance, Monday I was 8 pounds from my goal. That night I had a burger, taco, and shake from Jack In The Box. Now I'm 10 pounds from my goal. That means I gained two pounds. I know that's a small amount in the long run, but it's so discouraging to go from saying "I've lost 11 pounds!" to "I've lost 9 pounds." Double digits to just a single digit because of one crummy meal. That doesn't seem very fair.

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Had a little facebook mishap yesterday. I posted a status about a coworker and a friend responded. It wasn't necessarily offensive, but the comment did upset me. Now there is a whole big mess going on about it.

The Status:
"My coworker keeps shoving her phone in my face to look at her newest grandchild. I'm ready to bitch slap her. I'm tired of her and her fertile family. I wish more people understood the pain of infertility, or would at least respect my feelings and quit shoving babies in my face."

Her comment:
(Mind you, this is not verbatim. She deleted it, so I couldn't copy/paste.)
"Krissy, you can't have that attitude all the time. People are just proud and want to show off their loved ones/relatives. [something else along those lines] You just need to roll with things. Let what will happen happen."

My comment:
(Maybe not the best response, but I'm all sensitive due to hormone pills.)
 I can have that attitude with her because I've told her repeatedly how it makes me feel. People brush off infertility because they don't understand it or even try to. It's not about relaxing. I have a hormone disorder, so rolling with it wi...ll get me nowhere. I understand that people want to show off their kids, but it doesn't make it any less painful on my part. How would you feel if your divine right to bear children as a woman was taken from you? It's not a good feeling. I don't enjoy struggling with the fact that my husband is still not a father. I don't enjoy pumping myself full of medicines and hormones to have a chance at the joys of motherhood when 16 year olds get knocked up by accident all the time. So yes, I would say that I'm bitter and angry about it, but that's my right. I don't want to be forced to look at her grandkids after I've asked her respectfully to stop.

Now, I don't think I said anything mean here. Maybe I was a bit over zealous, but we all get that way sometimes. Let me explain why her comment upset me.

(This is the exact message I sent another girl after the first one deleted her comment.)
It's not that the comment was super insensitive necessarily. It's just that I'm on a bunch of hormones and I'm tired of people telling me basically that my infertility is nothing to worry about.
The comment basically said that I shouldn't feel that way because people are just proud and like to show off their loved ones.
I understand that and I don't think there is anything wrong with that. It's unavoidable on facebook, but that's fine. I can choose to skip over those posts. But this lady is always shoving her phone in my face showing me tons of baby pictures. I've explained to her that I'm infertile and that even though they're cute, a lot of days I just don't feel up to sitting around staring at what I can't have. She doesn't care and isn't respectful of my feelings because she doesn't believe infertility exists.
The second part of the comment was telling me that I need to relax and roll with it and let what's going to happen happen.
That irritated me because it's not that easy for some of us, and being reminded that I don't work right like everyone else really sucks. We did close to a year of relaxing and just going with it and it got us nowhere. We've tried many many things, had procedures and for what? All we have to show for it is debt.
I'm not saying it'll never happen for us, it's just been a long hard road over the past two years, and it doesn't seem like it's getting any easier.

The first girl got all upset because she thought I was bad mouthing her to the second girl, so now I have to explain that I understand that she wasn't trying to upset me, but that it did and why. I showed her exactly what I said to the other girl as my explaination and proof that I wasn't being nasty and didn't even say her name in the message. I also took the opportunity to show her Resolve.org's infertility ettiquette article. I think she still all butt hurt over the situation and is offended that I was upset at her comment. I'm really not sure how to make it any clearer to her that I understand that she wasn't trying to be hurtful. It's my stupid infertile brain that sees things like that and gets upset, even if that's not how people mean things. She said that maybe from now on she should just keep her comments to herself. That's not what I intended, but if it will help end this kind of conflict, then maybe it's for the best.

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We had a bunch of higher-ups in the warehouse this week. We got a new system for the handhelds and it's all confusing, so they were there to help out. But then we found out that the sales director from Houston was coming to Jasper, so three more guys showed up and cleaned the warehouse top to bottom. I thought that was pretty neat. Especially since we really never have the time to clean up and do an awesome job like they did. But maybe now we can just do upkeep cleaning and it won't get so bad ever again. I'm hoping that now that more people have seen how crappy the warehouse really is, we'll finally get the repairs they've been promising us for almost two years now.

They also had a talk with us and the other guy and let us know that whatever we know we're not going to use, does not need to be left in the warehouse. That's a relief. We usually just save restaurant things and snack cakes, but sometimes we see stupid things sitting around. And they usually sit there for a week or so taking up space until Keith and I finally have to send them back to the bakery. Maybe that won't happen so much anymore. They also told the other guy that he needs to start helping break down the load. That's a HUGE relief. It's a lot of work, and I don't find it fair that it's been just us doing it the whole time, especially since we don't get paid extra for it and we're not the ones who wanted it done in the first place. So I guess my point is that I'm glad that maybe the work will be a little more evenly distributed than it has been.

And while I'm on the topic of bread routes, we're still waiting on news from Cleveland. One of the routes was sold, so that's out. Another route is in question, but there are legal issues involved, so there's no telling how long it will take to hear any news about it. Basically the owner of the route passed away, had no will, so everyone is trying to figure out who now owns/will own it, and if it can be bought/sold. It's all kind of up in the air right now. The guy that's over that area was coming through town and decided to stop and look at Keith's stores. The good news is that he told Keith that he liked the way everything looked. The bad news...well I guess there really isn't bad news right now. And that's good.

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So now you guys are all caught up with what's been going on in my life. Hope I didn't bore you too much!