Worst Day

I had a terrible day at work today. Just awful.

Everyone was talking about Kim and it just upset me so much.

First off, my boss came in and asked if I had heard from her daughter this weekend. No, I hadn't. He got all spitfire and said "She just needs to pull the plug." I wanted to cry right then and there. We had to make that decision with my dad. I told my boss that it was a hard decision to make. He said "No it isn't." I asked if he had ever been in that position and he said that he hadn't, but he could make that decision easily because he knows that if it were him, he wouldn't want to lay there suffering.

Let me tell you, I was so upset by that. Words can't even describe. You can't know what you would do in a situation like that unless you've been there. Even though the doctors were giving my dad shots to keep his heart beating, it was still the hardest thing we have ever had to do. I was, and still am, outraged that my boss could stand there so casually and say that he could make such a life changing decision with ease. I don't deny that maybe he could for his parents. (Yes, the man is 57 and still has BOTH parents. Lucky motherfucker.) But his parents have lived a very long and fulfilling life. I believe that there's a difference there, but still no less sad or difficult to deal with. But I seriously doubt he could stand there, cold and heartless, if it were his wife or one of their children and talk about "pulling the plug."

Needless to say, his next statement did not go over very well with me. He made the claim that life support should only be meant for 48 to 72 hours, and past that is just too long. Um, excuse me? I was speechless for about two seconds (they seemed like forever) until I told him that my mother was on life support for weeks, and once she came off of it she lived for another ten years. TEN YEARS. So no. I really don't agree with anything he said today. In my opinion, it was pure ignorance, and very lacking in the sensitivity department. He KNOWS what I went through with both parents. Why on earth would he want to discuss things so callously like that with me? And my mom's not even dead 7 months. I held back tears for a long time after that.

And then later that day one of my coworkers got it into her head that she needed to call the daughter and have a heart to heart about the "decisions that she must make" regarding her mother's care. I was offended for the daughter. In my opinion, it's really nobody's damn business but hers and her grandparents as to what they decide to do. For anyone to call and tell them about it is just wrong. Anyone outside of the immediate family has no right whatsoever to tell them anything.

Everyone is of the same opinion as my boss: that there is nothing left to do. That may be so, but that opinion is one that should be kept private, inside your own thoughts. Like I said before, you can't know what you would do in any situation unless you've been there. I know what it's like to hope against all odds. I know what it's like to have those hopes fulfilled, and I know what it's like to have them dashed to bits.

So the day ended with me basically running out of the restaurant and meeting up with Keith and crying in his arms. People really shouldn't talk about things they don't understand.