When you're talkin in your sleep. And apparently my husband has really strange secrets. Here's a rundown of last night's nocturnal convo:
Me: Baby, get up and take a shower. You need to get up.
Keith: I don't know where the owls are.
M: *laughter* What are you talking about?
K: The hot dog buns.
M: *more laughter, lots of confusion* You're being so funny. That makes no sense.
K: *mad face, still sleeping* It's not funny, it makes perfect sense!
M: Ok, but what are you talking about?
K: I'm just doing what you told me to do.
M: *???*....Which is what?
K: Make friends with the owls.
M: So you're feeding them hot dogs?
K: They really like hot dogs.
M: Owls really like hot dogs? I didn't know...
K: Well they really like my hot dogs.
M: *hysterical laughter* Ok then.
Yes, he was asleep throughout this entire conversation. Seriously. And when he woke up, I asked him why he thought feeding owls hot dogs would help him become friends with them. His response? "Well what else do you have at a party?" He denies having this dream or talking to me at all. But he so did. I was there, I saw the whole thing, I swear.
I made chicken alfredo tonight and we watched Easy A, which was an awesome movie! I love Emma Stone. I'm sad that she has blonde hair now because the red was really working for her (your natural hair color seems to do that...), but I think it's cool that she's gonna be in the new Spiderman flick.
I'm procrastinating so bad on these Christmas gifts. Don't be surprised tomorrow and Thursday if I'm freaking the eff out about not having them exactly ready. It will happen. Trust me on this.
I had a coworker annoy the ever living shit out of me today. She kept correcting me about random shit that I know I was right about, asking me questions about my insurance, and then when I answered she informed me that basically, I was wrong. She kept telling me what it will and won't cover and how it works and all this shit. I'm sorry, I didn't realize that I'm and idiot. I also was not aware that they sent you all of the same paperwork in the mail that they sent me. They must have, because otherwise how would you be so much more knowledgeable about my specific plan than me? Oh, I know. You're omniscient. Yep. I forgot. You know all and see all. Also? You're better than everyone else. Kind of like God trapped in an annoying fat lady's body. Oh, and I'm probably not infertile. I can't be if you say it isn't so. Hey! I have an idea! Why don't you go fuck yourself? Yeah. I think that would be best for everyone. And maybe as an afterthought you can kiss my lily white infertile ass.
Thank you all, and goodnight! I'll be here all week.
That is some really crazy stuff, Bill talks in his sleep sometimes and has even been known to wake himself up in laughter because of a dream he is having. Don't you just love it when people are that way it can make you feel like punching them. I love how you put it in the end had me giggling.
ReplyDeleteLol thanks. I had to rant about her a little, she annoys me so much! And that's really how she acts. All. The. Time. Like she knows everything and is better than everyone and is miss perfect. Ugh!
ReplyDeleteOmniscient... Bahaha! -Katherine
ReplyDeleteYeah. Keith asked me if I meant to say omnipotent. Ummm....No I did not. And then I had to explain the difference to him. I don't expect everyone to know what omniscient means, but if they're viewing this page, then they're on the internet. Obviously they can google it if they don't know (except I kind of explained it in the next couple of sentences...). He also told me I was being bitchy for writing all that, but I really don't care. Freedom of speech, baby :)
ReplyDeleteOh man, that cracked me up!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Lisa :)
ReplyDelete