Sorry, I was taking the most amazing nap in the world. The only thing that could've been more amazing is if I'd been able to sleep the whole night through. Keith says I probably wouldn't have been able to do it, but once I fall asleep, I can sleep for like 14 hours! I've always been that way.
I'd like to take a moment to celebrate the fact that we've been married for exactly six months today. I must say I love married life, even if I have felt a bit overworked lately. And Keith even did the laundry for me today! Maybe our talk a while back got through to him. I mean, if one teensy chore a week is all it takes to keep your wife happy, then why not do it, right? Right.
Although I love being married, I do not love being infertile. We started working towards our goal of having a baby 1.5 years ago. Can you believe that? I can. But honestly, I never thought it would take this long. I've had this fear of infertility since I was about 15. Call me crazy, but I've always known that I wanted to be a mother above all else. So naturally, I was worried that the path I'd chosen for my life wouldn't go as planned. (Of course, finishing college was in that plan too, but that still hasn't happened either.) I guess my fears were pretty accurate. Foreshadowing at it's finest.
It breaks my heart everyday to know that medical professionals have had to become involved in this so much. It makes me so sad (but happy for them in a weird way) to see other couples with their beautiful babies, while my arms are empty. And I know that Keith will make a great dad someday. It's the getting there that's the hard part.
If God has a plan for everyone and everything, then why does He make some couples infertile? Yes, some will go on to have children, and maybe he wanted them to be able to appreciate that child even more, so he made them wait. But some remain childless. Why God? Why are there so many responsible, hopeful, loving people that remain childless, while the drug addict in the ghetto gets seven that she doesn't care enough about to clothe fully? Why wouldn't God want to put more children in better homes? I guess that's something that we will never understand.
I'll leave y'all with that to think about.
I find myself always asking those questions!! I can never come up with an answer. I like to believe there is some sort of plan or reason, but I just don't know. I try to keep the faith, but you know how it is after so long.
ReplyDeleteHang in there girl! I'm glad you guys have such a good strong relationship. You'll make great parents!