The Island of Misfit Infertiles

Ok, so maybe not an island. Whatever.

Anyways, I tweeted earlier about how Keith has been constantly asking me these past couple days if/when I'm gonna hang out with my friend Kellie from work again. And will she hang out with us Saturday, and next time you go to Beaumont, and blah blah blah, KELLIE!

I began to suspect that either he's desperate for me to make friends or he thinks she's cute. I was kinda right. He told me this afternoon that he just wants me to have a friend, even if she is three or four years younger than me and still a teenager. Not that I care about her age. That's not really the point.

So what is the point?

The point is that I don't feel like I fit in with anyone anymore. Not even most of my old friends. Not really. I'm not sure how to put it into words that make sense outside of my own brain, but I'll try.

I'll be 22 in July. That means most of my friends are still in college. Still living off of their parents. Still worrying about grades. Still partying all night. Still dating. Still fearing pregnancy.

I'm not doing any of those things. It's not missing it that's bothering me. What's bothering me is that I feel like we're on completely different levels. Not that I'm better than them, or they're better than me. We're just different. And with my priorities being what they are, and theirs being what they are, I just feel like it's harder lately to find any common ground.

How do I talk to someone about married life when they went out with three different people last week? How do I talk to someone about the struggle to pay bills even though we own a business when their parents still pay for everything for them? How can I talk to someone about my fucked up body and it's resistance to getting pregnant when they're all taking birth control or Plan B to avoid it? Or even better, got pregnant on accident or with no trouble at all?

I can to an extent, but they don't understand it, so they get bored. Or worse try to say something comforting that just ends up being the complete wrong thing to say. So what do I do? I let them talk about themselves, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but then I get bored.

So it just ends up being this thing where I listen to them talk about their life, give them advice if they ask for it, and laugh at appropriate times. But I go home feeling no better about what's going on or not going on in my life because I don't have much of an outlet for it in Real Life.

I'm just confused. I love all of my friends, but I don't like feeling this way. I just wish I could stumble across someone who is my age (or close to it), but understands me completely, that I can hang out with in Real Life after work or on the weekends.

Because let's face it, when your husband is trying to push you into making friends, you know it's pretty bad.