Today

So today my niece was born. Esmeralda Kristine Flores. She's cute. My sister was induced and did not have an epidural. They say she was pretty much the devil. I wish I could've been there.

The hormones I was prescribed are almost up. Today is day 14. So only 6 days after I take tonight's dose. And they have not done one single thing for me. I'm still on my period. And I'm really pissed off about it. People keep telling me to relax, but this is not a mind over matter kind of deal. Either the meds work or they don't. If they don't, I get to have surgery. So of course I'm pretty fucking worried.

I just want to be normal and have my body work right. I don't understand what I've done to deserve this. It's almost not even about babies anymore. It's about me wanting to be rid of this problem. I don't want to have my period anymore. I just want to be regular. Why can't I have that?

And no, your words of comfort probably won't comfort me that much. More often than not they annoy the shit out of me. I don't want to hear that I need to relax or that everything happens for a reason. Fuck that. If everything happens for a reason, then I want to know why the hell this is happening to me. I want a valid, specific reason. And "relax" is not good advice. "Relax" does not put anybody's mind at ease when they have a medical problem, which is what this is. And it sure doesn't help relax anyone when you tell them to. It mostly annoys and then we stress over not being able to relax.

But I'm done with my rant. Before I decide to have surgery, I'm gonna see a reproductive endocrinologist for a good second opinion. There's one in town and with my insurance I don't need a referral.

I wish I had more to say about my niece, but I haven't even seen her in person yet. I'm sure I'll have more to say about her tomorrow night after I've seen her.