What Is Wrong With Me?

We know, but we don't know why. The theory that she had before was that my uterus is atrophic, meaning that the hormones are all screwed up, so I bleed constantly (meaning for longer than a year, yes, year). We have confirmed that theory. Basically, pathology says that my uterus has very little or no hormones, except what they gave me to take orally. They could tell from the tissue that I'd taken Prometrium recently. But basically they couldn't find a whole lot of my body's natural hormones. They found this strange because this is not something that they usually see in someone my age. This is more of something that they find in older women. Like menopause stuff. They don't know why this is happening. My doc said all of my blood work (that they've drawn over the past few months) came back within the normal range. Hormones included. Also, they found mild chronic endometritis (NOT to be confused with endometriosis). Here's a definition:

• Chronic endometritis is characterized by plasma cells in the tissue and the most common reasons are Chlamydia and pelvic inflammatory disease. Women that suffer with chronic Endometritis will oftentimes have endometrial or cervical cancer. Chronic endometritis symptoms can include a blood stained vaginal discharge, lower abdominal pain and the disease can take anywhere from 2-4 weeks to develop.

I've never had chlamydia, but PID? Maybe. They also found fragments of a benign endocervical polyp. Not too big of a deal, and it's obviously broken up now. The "thing" that my doctor found in my uterus was just a blood clot. Not a polyp. And it wasn't very big. Like 2 cm. Big deal. Clots bigger than that come out of me. TMI, but I don't care. They lost the picture of it, but if it's just a clot then I don't need to see it. I know what it looks like.

Anyways, she said she's not trying to push us into having kids now (we want that anyways) but she said it would be best to get going with that since I have youth on my side. So she referred me to an RE to do more tests and see if we can make babies. She said there's still the possibility of PCOS, so I should monitor myself for ovulation since I'll very probably need to eventually take meds to make that happen. I told her I'm doing the BBT thing, so that's good. My insurance doesn't require me to have a referral for a specialist, so I'm thinking I won't need to go to the specific one she suggested. It's three hours from where I live. There might still be an RE in Jasper, but if not there's sure to be one in Beaumont.

So... My uterus is acting like an old lady, my ovaries are full of cysts, and my endometrium is totally screwed up. I'm scared, Readers. I don't know what this means for us. My heart is breaking at the thought that I might never be fixed. That I'll always be broken. And no. I don't want to hear about how I can adopt or miracles happen or blah blah blah. I know. But I'm allowed to be sad, so just let me wallow for a few days.

And speaking of things that irritate me, I will just say this: Those of you who think I'm obsessed with trying to have a baby? I am. And apparently I should be at this point since my doctor said to get a move on. And someone lately told me that I'm too obsessed with my uterus. Um...maybe because it's BROKEN! Usually I don't have anything bad to say about fertiles, but most people who say these things already have children. Accidental children. So they have no idea what it's like to fear that you'll never be a mother biologically. I do, and it's very, very scary and upsetting. The fact that I'm facing all of this at the age of 21 doesn't help either. I have next to nobody my age who can relate to me and my situation. I just want to know what I ever did to deserve this?